Tattoos are not simply aesthetic for me; they're life changing. For every line that gets drawn, every ounce of pain that gets felt an association is made with a negative thought, and when the pain plateau's the thought is gone. It's no longer bad; it's just there. This is due to the pain of a tattoo being physical, and more intense than any emotional pain I've ever had thrown at me. It's different, obviously, for more than one reason, the main one, for me, being that between the lines the pain eases. Every time more ink is needed there's a small break, allowing me to analyse every piece of it. That's why I do it. I can focus on ridding myself of emotional pain through inflicting worse physical pain on myself.
At A Glance Author Cerra Contact just_a_girlthing@yahoo.co.uk IAM Cerra When It just happened Artist Kyle LeBlanc Studio Skintastic Location Halifax, NS My most recent piece was done on the third of April 2004 (just a few days ago). I woke up at about nine in the morning, three hours before my appointment, more nervous than I can ever remember. Wondering what I was doing, wondering what was going to come of it all. Could I trust the artist, would he see what I saw, would he be able to give me what I needed and wanted? The questions were answered a few hours later.
Walking into Skintastic I was greeted by Andrea, yes, I was early, yes I was nervous, yes I'd eaten. I filled out the release form and was introduced to Kyle. I'd heard nothing but positive feedback about him. Friends recommended the studio even before I'd considered tattoos. Kyle and I had actually met, very informally, a few years previous, when I had my tongue pierced. He was as friendly as I'd remembered, and came armed with a bit of an evil grin and a coffee cup. He told me it'd just be a few more minutes; he was waiting for his floor to dry. The joys, I tell you, of being the first appointment of the day.
Finally it was time, my accomplice and I followed Kyle into his room, placed our bags on the floor and I admired his camera, stalling for time. He looked at me asked if I was ready to go, and we discussed placement again (on my right hipbone, following the other two tattoos as the next piece in my belt). He rubbed down me side with what I think was iodine and did a quick shave. I hadn't been shaved for a tattoo before and I complimented his swiftness. The design was placed and he explained that he was going to use a three for the outline and just do a quick scratch and fill it out with an eight. He said if the lines of my tattoo were any thicker he'd use a fourteen, I told him then, that I'd be sure not to go any thicker in future.
The outline took maybe fifteen minutes. It hurt, but a lot less than I was expecting. He said he'd start work on the side closest my belly and when he was ready to do the other side he'd turn the chair around, avoiding my bone as much as possible. The filling was rather enjoyable, he kept my skin taut and pulled as far away from my bone as he could, so that he was actually tattooing over my belly. Getting toward the center I twitched once and said "ow" a few times. Every time he noticed he was putting me in more pain than he had been he readjusted. The first half took about an hour, it surprised me, it seemed like it had been five minutes. Thinking back, I must have managed to find my correct headspace, where things started making sense, after the outline was done. I went into autopilot mode for talking and let my mind do what it had wanted (not to mention needed) to do to become clearer. After the first half was done Kyle had a smoke break and I went to the toilet. I had ne eded the toilet pretty much from the beginning, but that's to be expected when you have someone's arm vibrating and resting on your belly.
The second half went a lot quicker, at this point I was feeling very good about being there, feeling very much that this was the right time and place for things to happen. I almost thought I was going to fall asleep at more than one point. I was totally at peace with myself. The mental anguish was being released with every deep breath, I was working with the pain like I hadn't been able to in the past. Months of pent-up emotion slid away as the ink slid in. Once we'd finished up the main piece we moved onto touching up my other tattoos. He explained that he didn't think he could do much with my most recent tattoo, at least not yet. It was done too deep and there's a bit of feathering. He's going to look at it again when I go back and see if it's settled down a bit more. He was concerned that if he worked on it now the lines would end up blurrier.
After all was said (two and a half hours of total tattoo time) and done, I was bandaged up we posed for some photographs. He asked me what I had planned for my future tattoos and I explained the idea of the belt. He looked at my body and pointed out that I have a nice stomach, it has a natural "V" shape and he thinks I should try to preserve that. He feels that if I was to continue around with small pieces that are, essentially, square, I'll end up looking very square as well. I liked him; I liked how he thought about me, I liked how he used his eyes and I liked how he gave his opinion. I'm currently working on a "V" shaped piece for my central front and back. I was excited to work with him again after yesterday.
I became more excited this morning when the bandage was removed. Beneath the strings of congealed blood there was an image that was exactly what I had wanted. I rinsed it with Ivory soap, as instructed and when patting it dry tears formed in my eyes. The A&D ointment went on and was massaged in before coming off. I dried my leg from the water that had trickled down it and pulled up my jeans, curling the tops so that they didn't touch my new tattoo. I sat down, looking at it, still smiling and have spent most of today doing much the same thing. I'm in a fair bit of pain, when I lay on my side the skin across my hip stretches and walking isn't very nice. But it's been worth it; I'm feeling spiritually cleansed and ready to face life again.