There are lots of annoying people in the world and lots of annoying questions to be asked. If you know me or have ever looked at much I've said about being heavily publicly modified (i.e. A Freak) then you know that I advocate being as polite as possible provided the person asking the question is being well mannered as well. Personally, it always helps when I remind myself that even though I hear the same questions dozens of times each day, it is most often the case that each person asking it has never heard the answer before and is genuinely curious. Having said that, this doesn't stop me from having my own 'personal favorites' to loathe above all others. If you have seen me perform at a venue or function where I know the crowd to very modified friendly then you may have heard my 'Does it hurt?' routine which advocates, among other things, gratuitous eye gouging (but in a purely comedic and fun loving way). And that question isn't even one that really gets to me. There are probably two questions that I find to be the worst combination oft repeated and least well thought out, and they often get asked in tandem:
At A Glance Author The Lizardman Contact thelizardman23@aol.com IAM The Lizardman When It just happened Artist Mike Tidwell Studio Obscurities Location Dallas, TX 1. Are you going to finish / fill in all the green?
2. What about your feet. Are you going to tattoo them too?
Until I have actually gotten the entire green fill done, there is probably very little I can do about #1 but on July 30th, 2003 I think I solved the problem of #2.
After two weeks on the road (one in Puerto Rico and the other in Edmonton, Alberta) doing shows and press I had been asked at least a couple of times each day about my feet. I can understand that when you see an empty space on an otherwise tattooed body it can prompt the question but this was a constant barrage like I hadn't gotten before. So, once home with some open time in front of me to relax and heal I arranged to drive up to Dallas and have Mike Tidwell of Obscurities do some outlining on the tops of my feet. In conjunction with trip I had also scheduled an interview for the Jack E Jett show to be followed by them taping some of the tattooing.
The night before I took a razor to line of hair that runs down the top of my feet. Yeah, I go by Lizardman but if I drop my shaving regime – I'm a hairy bastard. The next morning it was up and on the road for three hours to Dallas – not bad except in a car without air conditioning in Texas in July. I went to the studio first and filmed the interview. True to their word we were done and on our way to Obscurities in time to get their about on schedule for 2pm. When we arrived Mike was setting up and we had a few minutes to get everything figured. It was during this time that Mark (Thompson – one of the other artists at the shop) displayed his soothing 'bedside manner' with the comment 'Damn, [your feet] that's no way to start the day'. I had wondered if I would find them more or less sensitive. Reports vary but after my nose I am pretty much not worried about what any other part may offer. Mike quickly sketched out the scale pattern in red sharpie and began working aw ay. I should note that the pattern towards the bottom of my legs and around the ankles was a bit messed up (not Mike's work) and he did a really good job of pulling it back together.
The sensation was not unlike the hands or other bony areas (forehead) but not too intense. It certainly wasn't as easy to tune out as say an arm or back (I fell asleep during some of those sessions) but being constantly distracted talking with the TV crew and BS'ing with the guys at the shop made it fly by. Mike worked on me till a little before 5pm leaving only a bit around the heel and the toes to be done. While he was working I had a coupe of ideas about my toes which I am going to now debate for the next little while as alternatives to plain scales. Afterwards I put a couple of bandages under the straps on my sandals and wore them loosely. I ended up hanging out at the shop for awhile waiting for the show producer to bring me some tapes I had left with them to be copied for their use which was fine since it meant I got to hang out with everyone at the shop some more. Sometime around 7pm I made the drive back to Austin. It hadn't been a particularly long day but th e combination of heat, tattooing, and only one actual meal left me fairly exhausted and I turned in early.
I had actually expected a lot more swelling – given that your feet swell throughout the day anyway thanks to gravity and walking. But, thus far the swelling has been light and not even close to what I experienced with my hands. The only real soreness has come from overly playful ferrets who think that attacking freshly tattooed feet makes for great entertainment. Now I can look forward to people just asking if and when I will fill them in green...