| At A Glance | |
| Author | Ania |
| Contact | Ania@bme.anon |
| IAM | deadly pale |
| When | A month ago |
| Artist | Gabor Zagyvai, IAM: wyrd |
| Studio | Black & White Tattoo & Piercing |
| Location | Budapest, Hungary |
The Fate in Beowulf is called Wyrd, an ambiguous concept which once could have been even considered a deity; the Anglo-Saxons did not leave that much info on their affairs, though, so there is a lot of space for one's imagination and individual approach. The Wyrd concept is not that widely known, at least not among people I do know, so imagine my surprise when, accidentally (was it?), I came across someone with exactly this screen name on IAM. It was... weird!
As it turned out, the IAM-er was neither a Wyrd believer nor follower; he just liked what he had once read about Wyrd. We started chatting, though, and somehow, quite naturally, came to discuss scarification, with him being a piercer and scarification artist and me being fascinated with scars ever since I remember.
I have been thinking about getting a scarification piece done for quite a long time but thought that it is not the right time for that - too time-consuming, too radical for my family and friends to deal with (not that their opinion really that matters for me but still, somehow I did not feel like answering their questions and trying to explain what is so fascinating about it for me), too... So many excuses. But after having met IAM: wyrd online and having started discussing my possible future scarification plans with him everything started happening very fast and very natural.
I told him what I would like to get (at that time, a few months ago, I was still thinking that my right sleeve would be about leaves changing over seasons of the year, so I kept taking pictures of leaves quite obsessively) and he tried to draw a design for me. At first I was considering either a leaf or a flower; finally I decided that leaves it should be and IAM: wyrd tried to come up with a design based on it. The first version was very simple and, since I wanted to add more dynamics to it, I told him that it would be good if there were some wind gusts around it. I am awful at visualizing, though, so I really thought in terms of "around". Gabor, IAM: wyrd, presented me with "gusts" going across the leaf and it looked so much better! Suddenly I had a design for a scarification! Something I have never actually thought of before!
At first a thought of coming over to Hungary to get it done was very loose. Gabor never pressed me; he is just very enthusiastic about something that is both his job and passion and that is why he drew the design for me. But I knew that once I start talking about something, I need to do all I can to actually follow my words and change them into action - I am not "a hero of the hall" who says a lot and nothing ever comes of her words! I decided then to get done two leaves, 6x10cm size-wise, on my right inner upper arm and the outer side of the right forearm.
Again, Fate goes ever as it must and the webs of my Destiny started looking good - I got some extra money, started working on a tattoo devoted to Wyrd, was about to finish my sleeve and knew that, sadly, with all of this going on I would not be able to make it to Norway, for Wings of Desire (which was supposed to be a part of my usual summer adventure trip this time around). If not Norway this year then, why not to head in the opposite direction and actually get this scarification piece done? There was also this "now or never" factor to take into consideration - I hope to start working on my right sleeve in a few months and, obviously, if I wanted to have scars as a part of the design, they just had to be done first, before the actual tattoo process.
Decisions started being made faster and faster now. Since my tattoo appointments in July kind of dictated my summer plans I knew I had only August on my disposal. Considering healing time I would need to travel relatively safely and comfortable, getting paid etc. I decided to set my possible scar appointment on August 16 or 17. Going abroad just for the scars, however, did not seem enough, so I decided to get there a few days earlier to make it more adventurous and see some more about the country. All of a sudden I had a plan!
I arrived in Budapest on August 14, 2007 in the morning and later that day, at 5.30 pm, I was supposed to meet IAM:wyrd at his shop. I knew the address and he told me that it was pretty close to the place I was staying at, so I felt pretty confident. Unfortunately I could not find it either on the maps or while walking around, so I had to resort to people on the streets. Since not that many people in Hungary speak English or German I began to feel at a loss - I kept asking and people either did not know where the address is or they could not understand me at all. Then I spotted a tattoo shop on my way to a tram stop and figured out that if there was anyone who would not only speak some English but also know where the shop is, it was certainly people from the industry. Well, at least it was worth giving a shot.
I came over to Pinker Tattoo World shop then and asked a guy at the counter. He was not that sure but another guy appeared and this one not only knew where to go but also drew me a map and wrote down the stops in-between Blaha ter and the address I was going to. After some short chatting, checking out each other's tattoos and me scoring a few flyers from their shop (and giving them an url to BME) I left, clinging tight to my notebook with a sketched map inside.
Finding the shop now was extremely easy. Since I still had some time to kill before meeting my soon-to-be artist I went to a park on the other side of the street to stroll along Danube and enjoy my first afternoon in Hungary.
When I got to the studio, Gabor and I introduced ourselves to each other properly and then switched to discuss business. He did not have my designs at the shop but it was okay with me - he sent them to me via e-mail much earlier anyway and everything was set. I decided to pay him right there, a few days in advance, as I did not want to risk losing the money (the guide book I got to read before the trip was so much about pick pocket gangs and locals greedy for tourist money that it made me quite apprehensive, or rather more paranoid than usual). I was also shown around the shop and Gabor's working station and my impression was definitely positive - the shop is small but very clean, well lit and pretty cozy at that. While I was there a few customers came over to either ask about something or to get a piercing done, so I could also see Gabor interacting with the customers. Our first meeting was just about getting a feel of each other and me checking out the shop, so it did not last long but it definitely made me "slightly" more excited than before - my scarification was one step closer now!
We agreed that in case something happened, we'd notify the other side via IAM and I was going to check out my messages on Thursday night, right before my Friday appointment. In the meantime I enjoyed my stay in Hungary a lot - I went to see Balaton Lake, jumped on and off trains and ferries, roamed the streets of a few towns and people-watched as much as possible. The only thing that really bothered me was the weather as it was really hot and my obsession about the sun perceived as an archenemy and using sunblock many times a day were at their best.
The night before the appointment was quite restless. Not because I was so nervous or excited (I was not which was quite strange) but rather due to the temperature - 25C or so at night does not feel comfortable. I could not sleep, so I kept reading Beowulf and The Hitchhiker's Guide... in turns. I got up earlier than I planned and went to a bakery/cafe nearby to eat a decent breakfast - a huge veggie and cheese sandwich washed down with two glasses of orange juice seemed the best! Before setting off on my way to the shop I also made sure to take with me a huge bottle of soda.
I arrived in the shop a few minutes after 10am as I did not want to freak my artist out with my punctuality but it was obvious he was there already for some time and the work station was pretty much ready for us to begin. I made sure to go through all stages of the aftercare and all the products I would need to take a good care of my cuttings beforehand as I am always way too excited after the procedures to focus on anything. Taking into consideration my "after-high", I also made sure to give Gabor my gift for him before we started (both kinda accidentally and quite appropriately it was a book The Scar which made a huge impression on me a few weeks prior and I was lucky enough to put my hands on another copy just for him!).
I was satisfied with the way the stencils were placed after the first try. All I wanted was leaving enough space around my already existing tattoos to let me take a good care about them, too and placing the cuttings, so the leaves could look as if they were falling down and swirling around my arm and forearm. Both stencils were applied before the actual cutting procedure started; the first one to cut was the one placed on my upper inner arm as I assumed this one would be more painful and harder to work on.
Scarification involves, obviously, using sharp tools for quite a long time and actually cutting the skin, thus I thought it would hurt a lot. To my surprise it did not hurt much or, most of the time, at all! When Gabor started I could feel how his hand trembled slightly and even asked if he felt nervous but, apparently, it is always like that for him as he wants to make sure everything will turn out great and it certainly does not affect the precision and quality of his work.
My first cutting started several minutes past 10am and was finished around 12.20pm which took longer than I expected but it did not matter at all. I had loads of time for everything and anything then and I was enjoying the whole experience a lot. The procedure might look painful (Anita, a tattooist from there, seemed to think so!) and certainly was quite bloody and yet it felt quite differently to me. In fact, it was less painful than most of my tattoos. Time was flying by very quickly and it probably helped that Gabor does not mind talking while working, so we talked a lot about politics, pop culture, my impressions about Hungary, BME and many other things.
When the first cutting was done I could get up to take a look at it in the mirror, take a few pictures of the work in progress and then my upper arm was temporarily wrapped up in cling film to keep it clean while Gabor worked on the forearm piece.
It was very hot by then and the stencil on my forearm got smudged a little. The design kept its shape and all the lines, though, so there was no need to re-apply it. I was surprised to feel more pain this time as it certainly was not something I expected but the pain was still bearable and easy to deal with. This cutting took less time to get it done and I was done at 1.30pm. Gabor cleaned and cling-filmed my arm up and I also asked to wrap up my arm and forearm in some bandage as I did not want to freak out people on the streets or on the trams - they kept staring at my tattoos anyway and scarification is even more unusual and radical.
He made sure to write down the aftercare for me and I was ready to leave. The actual procedural experience was definitely positive as Gabor proved to be a great professional with good work ethics, good skills and some sympathy towards his "victims" as he kept asking if I was okay quite a lot during the process.
When I left the shop it definitely was one of these rare moments when I felt as if I was on cloud nine. Suddenly the heat stopped bothering me that much; I was just walking down the street, listening to my mp3 player and enjoying both the soreness of my arm and the sight of bandages around it and knowing that in the whole city only I and people from the shop knew what it was all about. It was supposed to be a good day for me and it certainly felt this way!
I have already had a few things I would need for my aftercare (cling film, a new toothbrush, Vaseline, hydrogene peroxide and some medical tape to fasten the cling film wrappings) as I brought them with me from Poland. But now I also needed some lemon juice, salt and a plastic fork or spoon to mix everything together. Normally I would just go to a supermarket and get everything but now I was far from home, my Hungarian money could be spent better than on a package of plastic cutlery or a huge bag of salt, so I decided to play hunter/gatherer in the concrete jungle of Budapest. I bought a lemon and some paper towels and made sure to take some free plastic bags from the grocery shop, too (for used paper towels etc.), picked up a few plastic spoons at one of food stands (a guy from there gave them to me for free) and got some salt from the place I was staying at. I had all ingredients I needed to make my irritant.
The first cleaning was as horrible and painful as my experienced friend told me beforehand. It was also bloody as the cuttings were very fresh (like 2-3 hours as straight from the shop I went to visit Kerepesi Cemetary and then got back to my place to wash the cuts, refresh and go to Margit Sziget island to make myself a picnic and celebrate my first scarification ever) and tender. But I knew that this time it really was about "no pain, no gain", so I followed all steps of the aftercare - washing the cuttings thoroughly with an antibacterial soap, irritating them with a toothbrush and hydrogene peroxide, applying the Vaseline-salt-lemon juice killer stuff and wrapping them up. It burnt and it burnt like hell but it was something that had to be done!
My picnic was great and I wallowed in the fact that I have just done what I have been wanting, thinking and planning for a quite a long time. After I got back to my place I followed the aftercare again and kinda dreaded the days ahead. The cuttings were weeping lymph throughout the night and I had to put a few layers of tissue under my arm to avoid stains on bed sheets (they were mine anyway but I did not like the thought of leaving my blood or lymph samples everywhere!) but it was just during this first night and it did not happen again.
The next two days were kinda hectic as I was still in Hungary and wanted to get from this trip as much as possible. I made sure, however, to look after my cuttings and keep them as clean as possible. Sunday and Monday were the worst as I had to leave them alone for around 30 hours while being on my way back home, constantly on trains or train stations. Nothing happened, though and, once back home, I could unleash myself and go a little overboard as far as the aftercare was concerned.
Instead of irritating the cuttings two times a day I decided to do it three times a day, made myself even stronger an irritant and was generous with hydrogene peroxide. At first I also used lots of cling film but seeing signs of the heat rash on the skin around the cuttings I decided to cover only the cuttings and leave the rest of the skin around them free to breathe.
I have much respect and admiration for "natural" scars, those born and developed due to external circumstances, those we have not much to say about as they just happen to us - bike accidents, falling from a tree, burns etc. Such scars tell stories about us and our past. Scarification may seem "unnatural" at first; after all, why to go for something that is perceived (and on physical level is quite often) as deformation, an ugly evidence of our bodies' attempts to heal a damage? But the whole after care and healing process kept showing me over and over again that the scars I was diligently working on were by no means "unnatural" or in any way "worse" or "inferior" than the scars created in other ways. While working on creating my scars I earned them and earned them the hard way at that. Irritating the cuttings three times a day, applying a fair amount of the irritant to them, covering them with cling film and being forced to watch how the rash kept thriving on my skin around the cuts were hard at times. After a few days using a toothbrush did not hurt that much, even the irritant seemed to burn less but then, all of a sudden, my skin kept waking up and sending desperate signals to my brain trying to tell me how much it hurt and burnt. Sometimes it really was hard to focus on anything except the burning pain on the surface of my arm. Backing out, though, was never an option!
Instead of 10 days of using cling film wrapping I decided to do it for 15 days even though the rash on my arm looked nasty and made me cringe whenever I looked at it. My cuttings, however, kept changing! Since I promised my artist to take pictures of the cuttings every day to record the whole scarring process I could watch how they changed - from delicate lines made by scalpels into bloody lines caused by the toothbrush into thick, easy to feel under my fingertips, pink scar tissue.
Keloids, something I strived for, were kind of mythical to me - easy to recognize on pictures of other people but hard to acknowledge on myself. Around day 8 or 9 it hit me that these pink, thick lines growing along the actual cutting lines might be just this thing. But even if not, my body surprised me anyway - I expected flat, white lines, just like the scars I still have left after my SI episodes and here I was graced with something entirely different. After 3 weeks I was pretty much done with healing and left with nicely distinct and prominent scars I wanted to get so much!
the forearm scar during the healing process
My first tattoos were done in the U.S., majority of my ink was and is still being done in Poland, from my trip to Sweden I brought my first hook scars and now, from another great trip to a different country, I brought two new scars, something permanent and yet changing, something that will always remind me of a great time I had had there and of my determination to get what I wanted so much. Obviously my own Wyrd does not care about any limits or political borders and graces me with interesting opportunities not only to see the world around me but also to get some cool, physical "souvenirs" from my trips!
Would I recommend IAM: wyrd as a body modification artist? Definitely yes! I am totally satisfied with his work on me and I am glad to have gone for this whole, great adventure. You can check more of his work here. I am also grateful to my IAM friend, HighLevel for keeping his word and supporting me and making me smile during the hell of the healing process; I do hope to return the favor once again some time in the future!
I do not like using a term "canvas" to describe myself and modifications I keep undergoing. As a Beowulf fan I prefer to think about it more in terms of my own saga with traces of my adventures written down, one way or another, on my body. There is a nicely uncanny and weird story behind those leaf scars, too and it got illustrated really well!
