| At A Glance | |
| Author | Ribibe |
| Contact | Ribibe@bme.anon |
| IAM | Ribibe |
| When | Three months ago |
| Artist | Vampy |
I've always loved full tattooed arms, especially on women, but like so many other things I adore on other people I've never wanted such dense tattoo coverage for myself, though the idea of sleeves remained appealing. Scarification suited this desire perfectly, as it allowed me to have 'sleeves' but without the full-on visual impact of tattoos. The idea of two sleeves however soon got quashed. Symmetry isn't necessarily important to me but balance is, and if I had the design traveling down both arms my body would be out of kilter; the backpiece I have is concentrated mainly on the left side of my back and with a scarified left arm also, that side of my body would be 'heavier' than the right. So the design would be on my right arm only.
I spent the next couple of months or so ignoring all my professor's vain attempts to get me to understand economic globalisation and domestic adjustment in Italy (Yes Dr McCann, that'll be recommend why I barely scraped the exam. Sorry.) and spent my time doodling designs for my arm instead. Almost immediately the idea for scarification sleeves had come to me, the idea for their shape had too, but I couldn't tell you why. I doodle swirly hearts almost compulsively. Any time I've got a pen and something I can't concentrate fully on, every available surface becomes filled with them. Their use as a scarification pattern seemed natural and fitting, especially as I think it very important to get mods that don't seem stylistically disjointed or jar against one another, so I needed something that would flow and swirl along with my tribal-style backpiece.
Eventually after many sheets of A4 were trashed, I had a tentative final design. Five curly hearts in vertical alignment, starting up and over my shoulder (and around the small tattoo I already have at the top of that arm) and finishing at my wrist. Of course, as is my way as soon as I had it fixed in my head I wanted it done desperately, immediately, right bloody now. I had a couple of options as to who should perform the cutting for me, but after seeing her portfolio and many glowing recommendations from other people on IAM, I arranged to be cut by Vampy at the Metal Fatigue Collective's fourth suscon at the beginning of May this year. Unfortunately I wasn't able to attend the event for very long, and so the plan was put off until the fifth suscon, in August.
However between May and August, BME Fest took place and I traveled with twenty five other people from the UK to Toronto to attend. Vampy was also one of the people who traveled and in the week we were there performed beautiful cuttings on two other IAMers, so I decided the time was right for me to get mine. A clean area was prepared in one of the rooms of the house we were staying in, a classical music CD was put on to soothe me (though in the living room next door the rest of the group were watching Weird Al videos and in quiet moments I'd hear "got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin" which made me snigger at all the wrong moments) and in the company of a couple of other people for video/photographic/hand-holding purposes, my scarification sleeve was begun. Vampy painstakingly drew the hearts on freehand until they looked just as I'd imagined them, and began work on the third heart from my wrist, the lowest one on my upper arm.
I was warned that most people liken the pain as akin to the very sharp sensation you get from tattooing outlining, and that was certainly the most appropriate way I could describe it. The first, sweeping cut of the scalpel along the design felt almost exactly like that and was certainly bearable; the second time the scalpel went into the wound to open up the flesh further was amongst one of the most painful things I have ever experienced but again, not so bad that I needed more than a couple of brief breaks towards the end and at times, almost blissful as every next incision carried me along on a fresh wave of endorphins. The softer upper parts of my arm were certainly more painful than the lower arm, excepting for parts of the second from wrist heart that curves towards the crease of my elbow, which certainly made me screw up my eyes and wince, nearly breaking the hand of my poor companion.
In all, the whole arm took around forty five minutes to an hour to complete, but felt much shorter. I don't think I bled as much as I was expecting to (though can never watch when such things are being done to me, so don't know for sure) and was absolutely exhilarated after it was done. It was quite late at night by the time we were finished, so after I stopped bleeding and was cleaned up and wrapped lightly in cling film, I collapsed exhausted and slept right through to the morning, no small achievement on the floor of a living room sleeping thirty people.
In the morning I was absolutely itching to clean myself up. I had bled a little during the night and there was dried blood and assorted gunk trapped in the cling film so I was frothing at the mouth to get in the shower. But oh, the pain! Almost as bad as actually being cut itself, I sat on the shower floor and whimpered for twenty minutes as the water hit the open wound. Pitifully picking myself up and making everyone later admire my bravery in the face of a trickle of water, I mixed up some of the special goo (lemon juice, sugar and Vaseline) that Vampy recommended and set about rubbing it into my arm. Not pleasant, but nowhere even approaching the uncomfortableness of the shower experience, so I proceeded in the face of everyone giggling and pointing at my every pitiful wince in a most unsupportive fashion. The most annoying part of this was finding my right arm almost immobile, as the shoulder to wrist cling film rendered me practically unable to bend my arm at the elbow, terribly annoying as I had to catch the plane back to London later that afternoon.
At home I carried on with the aftercare method I started in Canada as Vampy had recommended it be done for ten days. However after three, I developed a very bad rash over the area and concluding that it was caused by sweat or heat or similar (as I am not allergic to any of the ingredients used) I discontinued the method and kept the wounds open and irritated by use of a sea salt and Vaseline scrub instead, and left the cutting uncovered. The rash cleared up completely within a week of switching to the new method, and after two weeks, when the wounds had sealed (though scabs never formed) I switched to just irritating it twice a day in the shower and not keeping it moist all day. I did not use any excessive irritating methods except the scrub as I knew that I scar fairly well when left to my own devices anyway, and I liked the idea of a more delicate, rather than very well defined and raised, scarring.
It is now almost two months since it was done and I am extremely pleased with the results. Most of it has keloided very well, with only a few places mysteriously fading away which will need to be recut (one of them, typically, being the painful bit near the elbow crease!). Most of it is still dark red too, though patches for the majority on my upper arm are starting to become paler. I heal quite quickly, so I am expecting it all to be if not completely white then nearly there by the end of the year. It is still quite itchy though this is decreasing all the time, but I have noticed something strange. If I have been sleeping on, or otherwise holding my arm in one position for a long time, the scar tissue seems to 'contract', and stretching out my arm is quite painful. This is also diminishing though as I guess the tissue is healing and becoming more elastic akin to the rest of my skin.
I anticipated reactions to this public mod from people in the street, but they've been a little different from those I expected. I have had the usual questions as to whether it hurt, the occasional person sitting next to me on the bus that stares at it for the whole journey, and the woman behind the counter at the Post Office who called all her colleagues across to come and look, but on the whole most people have been simply curious. Many think it is a tattoo, which seems odd to me as I think it looks quite obviously like scarring, but perhaps I am just more experienced. I started off by telling the people that asked that that it was a scarification, but one too many half-hour long stories that no, it's actually a cutting and all that entails and the resulting inevitable squicky faces the askers pull means now I've just started to say yes, it is, which is a shame but I simply do not have the patience or stomach to hold up the whole supermarket queue because the cashier can't understand why I'd want it.
My scarification sleeve has been a wonderful experience from start to finish, and I only grow more excited as I see it paling into that gorgeous embossed design I've been craving for so long. I didn't realise I was wearing my heart on my sleeve until it was pointed out my somebody else, but as symbolic gestures go, I grow more fond of this accidental intimation every day.
(Picture also courtesy of Vampy)