First of all, I'm not in any way supporting bad reasons of cutting. I personally did mine because I felt like I needed to make myself a little more genuine on the outside. Though I self mutilate and have for almost 4 years, most of this occasion was more for decoration per say than anything.
At A Glance Author Felix Contact Felix@bme.anon When N/A Artist Myself Well, the first serious mod I did with cutting was carving someone's name deep into my wrist. Not a boyfriend, girlfriend, significant other in any way. [I really would have to advise anyone NEVER to do that because you never know what's going to happen, but if you really want a reminder of that person forever and ever then I guess, by all means do it.] I chose to carve their name into me because it was my very closest and best friend that I had been forbidden to see. Not that carving his name into my wrist made it any better. [It didn't matter after a while because he died...]
My father works a lot with wood and drywall and such so there's always razors and things at my house. I took a single industrial razor to my room, soaked it in rubbing alcohol for about 15 minutes, cleaned off my wrist and started engraving. I did this for about 2 weeks, barely bothered by the pain. I picked at the scabs, and did all I could think of to make it permanent, toying with the idea of smearing ink into it. It turned out to be a very nice scar that's still pretty bright pink today, nearly 3 years after.
I loved it so much that I started palling my next scar. I remembered this tattoo design I saw once that I fell in love with, it was a cartoon skull and crossbones with a bow on it. I printed it out, traced it over about 20 times, then drew it on my leg. I took a new razor, cleaned it all the same way I had before, and cut along the pattern. I picked at those scabs and went over it for about 3 months straight to make sure it stayed since I loved it so much. That scar turned a very light color that almost looks white at times.
>From there, I did minor scarring, mostly X's near the inside of my elbow. one of those scars I still love because it's got a purplish outline with a white interior and I have no idea why.
Probably my most significant and meaningful mod. is just a word going down my right leg. It's the word 'unsaved'. I did this because on a day when I needed it most, I prayed very hard [and I barely believe in god] and screamed for help from a situation that I won't go into details here, and never got it. I wasn't saved from it, hence being 'unsaved'. [an odd coincidence, a year after I learned my favorite band's newest CD had the same title.] That's pretty much it for the major scarring.
My parents saw the cuts, and perceived it as nothing but me being "suicidal." This made me feel like a mental case, because from then on I Was pretty much being forced to believe that I was suicidal. If I denied it, I'd just get it drilled into my head harder, along with the fact that denial was the sign of a serious problem.
That part of the experience brought out the bad side of cutting. The self hating, confusion, and pain part of cutting. They made me feel like I wasn't perfect enough for them no matter what I was, so I'd have to punish myself for that. That's probably the worst thing about cutting, it's very addictive. Once it's in your head, it's very hard to get out, sometimes impossible.
But I am happy to say, that my parents dropped the issue completely after I refused therapy and any other force they were using against me. We talked about it for a while, yes, but I'm thinking they just gave up.[though it might not be a good thing...] And now I haven't really had any reason to cut. I feel like my canvas is complete, and so I have not cut for any reason for about six months.
All of this was until I found bme while looking for tattoo designs. Now I know I'm not a mental case for wanting to personalize myself, and I also feel like I'm not such a freak. There's a lot of people who feel the same way.
So that's my story, feel free to comment.
Just a reminder, I ALWAYS took serious precautions with any cutting I did. I constantly cleaned the area where the cut was, and I always used a new razor every time. IF you're going to do this, be very very VERY clean about everything. the cut, the tools, everything. This severely reduces the risk of infection. Also, it may be best to hide the cuts. You most likely won't get much reason into anyone's heads if they see that you're hurting yourself.