Since my most recent suspension about a month ago I have been doing quite a bit of thinking about this topic. There is a lot I want to say on this subject... People who know I have done suspension ask me questions all the time (most notably "does it hurt" to which I reply with a sideways glance that they can interpret however they want). The second most asked question is "why?". With the inevitable follow up of "Is it a spiritual thing?". This is what I have been contemplating for the last month.
At A Glance Author Purplelotus Contact Purplelotus@bme.anon IAM Purplelotus When A month ago Artist Allen Falkner Studio at his private photo studio Location Dallas, Tx I did my first suspension in June of 2000, not too long after my 21st birthday. I already had many piercings and tattoos, a brand on my chest, and had done a skin threading. The first piercing I ever had (other than my ears) was my septum, on my 18th birthday. Done by John Kovac at Forbidden Fruit, Austin. There was a beautiful picture in the piercing room of a man suspending superman style. I was in awe. It was beautiful and strange to me. I had never seen anything like it. I thought "Why would someone do that?" I don't remember thinking that it looked painful though. It was so calm and serene. Not too long after that I met the man in the photo; he introduced me to the body mod culture. I saw him brand a friend of his and I knew instantly that I wanted one. It was so intense, and I craved intensity in my life. I saw a picture of his skin threading and again, decided I had to try it. Step by step I was just led to suspension, like I was meant to go there. By the time I was 21 I was in a relationship with this man and had become friends with many people in the scene here in austin who were more than happy to help me on my quest. It was early summer, I hung from 12 hooks, superman style, from a huge tree at a friends house. Many people have hung from that same tree. There are permanent eye bolts in it even. I didn't know what to expect so I tried not to expect anything, but reading about people's experiences led me to believe I would have some kind of out of body experience. I didn't. And I was kind of confused about that actually. But I received a piece of excellent advice... "Don't try to make it into something it isn't". Advice that works for quite a few things I have found. What I did experience was a sense of peace, euphoria and awareness. I was fully aware of where I was and who I was with the whole time. And I felt loved. I also felt like I had come to a crossroad. Up until that time I felt like I was always on the cusp of something but too afraid to take the leap to really experience it. This was kind of "\Ãw€ë a leap for me. Testing my limits, seeing what I was capable of. My spirituality was in its infancy at this point. I had been an atheist more or less all through high school and when I came to austin my religion became partying (with lots of alcohol, cocaine, ecstasy, and other psychedelics). But that is a whole saga that shall not be addressed here, we'll just say I'm past all that.
So that brings up the question of spirituality. Is suspension a spiritual act? For me, yes, but so is breathing... so is everything I do every day. The exact same feeling I get from suspension I get from quiet meditation. So why do I do suspension? Why go through the discomfort and challenge? I don't quite know yet. I'm not sure the "why" is really important either. But I feel drawn to it. I study Buddhism and Kung Fu... why do I do these things? Because I am drawn to them. Kung fu is a challenge and a commitment. So is suspension. So is meditation. So is work. So is life. It means focusing your mind and overcoming your self imposed mental limitations. It means living in this moment, which is also a goal of Buddhism (one of the most central aspects of my life). The only thing that is real is this moment. The only thing that exists in this moment is action.
So that brings me to my most recent suspension experience.
I recently did my 3rd suspension. Vertical with 4 hooks. It was totally different than my first. It wasn't comfortable or easy like the first one was. The first hook that went in was no problem. The next 3, well, they were a little more challenging. I don't normally curse out loud when I get pierced, but I felt the need this time. But it was just that split second and it was over. My endorphins were kicking. I felt pretty good. I kept thinking "no problem", "piece of cake"... etc, etc. Well, when I was finally attached to the rigging, I realized it wasn't going to be that easy.
So, as I was hanging there, my feet still on the ground, I started to ease into it. Just leaning and getting used to the sensation. Well, apparently I wasn't going fast enough for Allen so he decided to help me along. Not so gently prodding me to get my feet off the ground. That moment is the hardest. There is this mental resistance that feels almost like fear when you are right on the brink of success. But all I had to do was lift my feet off the ground. I won't lie, it hurt. My whole back was hot and the hooks felt like they were stinging me. A little voice kept telling me to stop... but I was not about to do that. And then without even realizing it I lifted my feet and all the fear went away (and I was left thinking what the hell was I so afraid of?).
Allen then decided to connect himself to the rig and we started swinging together. And we just existed in moment after moment together. Some moments a little less painful, some a little more. But that wasn't even important by then. Finally, I let go of my illusions and started having fun.
What I found when I did my this suspension with Allen was that letting go of the pain is not the point. To me the point is to be present, no matter what your body or mind is going through. When you get to the point where you realize there is nothing better than this moment, ever, then you can actually be happy. And that is the point of life right? Being happy (and I'm talking about an over all sense of happiness, not the everyday roller coaster of emotion that is the human condition). I feel more grounded and more connected after suspension, just like I do with meditation and Kung Fu... Because I am participating in life and seeing the beauty in all things. Suspension is beautiful. Reality is beautiful... and ugly, but is beautiful in it's ugliness. I am going to continue to do suspension. It's beautiful and it's fun. It's hard too. But if it's not hard is it really worth it?