When I first starting getting piercings, I didn't consider them to be of a spiritual nature. I was 18 and young, and thought they looked cool. When I got my tongue pierced, giving good head was in my mind.
At A Glance Author zencalm Contact zencalm@bme.anon IAM zencalm When N/A When I first started getting tattoos, it was around the same age. But from the very beginning, I knew tattoos were very important. I didn't just want flash off a wall; I didn't want to be cliché. Each of my tattoos has a very specific meaning.
But the older I get (I am 24 now) the more I see my modifications in a spiritual way. Let me explain why. When I was a teenager, I wasn't kind to myself. I used to do all sorts of things that I wish I hadn't to cope with my feelings: cutting, eating disorders, and pill abuse. My body was the enemy. I wanted to escape, to be numb.
Now I don't do any of those actions, and I haven't for a while. (I haven't cut in 5 years. I haven't abused pills in forever. I don't have an eating disorder anymore but food continues to be a struggle.) I noticed a correlation with getting more modifications and trying to heal myself.
When I get a new mod, a few things happen. I feel like I am taking care of myself. I save up the money and plan. I feel special. I am valuing myself. Also, doing the aftercare makes me focus intensely on myself. With each salt soak, I think about how great the piercing looks. With each application of lotion, I think how much I like my tattoos. I also spend more time looking in the mirror and appreciating the mods. Then I start to appreciate myself more. It's a great circle.
Piercings help teach me patience. I wanted a 10-gauge nipple piercing so badly. My piercer told me my body couldn't support it. I had to start at 14g. But then I gauged up too soon and one of the piercings rejected. Now I have to wait 6 months (I can redo it in February) before my piercer will repierce my nipple. And she told me to get a barbell (I have large breasts, 44D) but I wanted CBRs so badly. I should have listened to her. And next time I will.
Piercings make me pay closer attention to my body. I am currently healing a 14g snug. I know that I have to eat well, exercise and stay healthy so my piercing can heal the best way possible. By having my mods, I have begun to undo the damage that I used to do to myself. I feel like I am achieving a sort of karmic balance. Because I used to be so mean to myself, I know that now I have to be extra good. It is hard sometimes to do that. But having a shiny new snug makes everything easier. :-)
Tattoos have helped me through some very dark times. My latest tattoo is a wrist one. It is in Latin and says "aut viam inveniam aut faciam" –either I will find a way or I will make one. On the underneath of my wrist is an ocean wave. The ocean is also my spirituality. When I got my tattoo, I instantly felt better. My tattoos are like a giant affirmation all over my body.
When I was younger, I didn't check out any of the shops before I went. I did a short Internet search, but since tattooing only recently became legal in Massachusetts, I didn't feel like I had many options. I now have some tattoos that aren't quite crappy, but aren't half as good as my newer ones. Eventually I will have them touched up.
Life is like that. When I was younger, I was impulsive. So in a way, my impulsivity is permanently marked on my body. If I had gone to quality places for all my tattoos, it would be different.
My second tattoo was of a grateful dead bear kicking a soccer ball. I was stupid and went to a tattoo party. I don't remember the "artist" (um, scratcher) changing gloves all that often. In fact, I remember him smoking while he was wearing gloves. ICK! The soccer ball looks like dice.
Now I am planning a big cover-up. Since the ocean is my spirituality, I want to get seashells on my back. Now that I have gotten deeper into mods, I want the seashells (3 of them) to be quite big. It will take up a good amount of space on my upper back. It's definitely not a back piece, maybe a ¼ of a back piece. I could never imagine a piece that large when I was younger. Now it seems like a natural progression.
I also have tattoos around each of my areolas. I noticed today that they also need a touchup. It makes me angry that after only 3 years that I need touchups! But I was younger when I got them, and I used A&D ointment for longer than I should have. I didn't know that your body heals the tattoo, not all the ointment. I wish I had known that before. I also previously had my nipples pierced (took them out for a partner, stupid move) and when I did the salt soaks, I used to make them 5x stronger than they needed to be. Geez! It's a wonder I have nipples left.
Piercings also motivate me. I want to have my navel pierced. But I won't do it until I am healthier. I have a picture on my fridge of large gauge barbells to remind me of my goals. When I think of having my navel pierced, it makes me work harder in the gym. I want to get pierced at an 8g or a 6g (maybe). It's cool to get a 14g but everyone is unique and I feel like piercings should reflect that.
Finally, piercings help express my individuality. Sure when I first started, I was that girl with the 16g nostril piercing and the 14g center tongue. But the more I read BME the more I thought of different ways to express myself. I really like my snug. My piercing studio doesn't even have prices for snugs on the wall. I had to ask for it. And then the receptionist said "conch?" and I said no, "snug." I made sure to get bright shiny balls. It looks great (I'll hopefully be submitting pics soon!) When I got my nipple rings, I made sure to pick out a nice ball. I got a bigger ball than is customary and I liked that I could choose. When I got my cartilige, I asked for a 10g. I got a 12 and am happy. I like having the choice.
And that is it, I am choosing now. I am choosing to be healthy. I am making the decision not to hurt myself. I am choosing to express myself through the art on my skin. Only now my art is tattoos and piercings, not cuts on my thigh. And for that I am truly grateful.