I log on to BME every day and I constantly read about parents who JUST DON"T UNDERSTAND why their child has chosen to engage in body modification. I read about school systems that have expelled teenagers who have piercings. I have read about employees that get fired because of their self-expression through body mods.
At A Glance Author zencalm3 Contact zencalm3@bme.anon When N/A And then I think of my mother. I wasn't lucky enough to grow up with my mother, but I am lucky enough to have a very close relationship with her now. And what strikes me is how much she is non-judgmental.
I got my first tattoo in her honor when I was 18. It was an interesting thing, I hadn't started reading BME so I looked around on the Internet and took a Greyhound down to Rhode Island. (Tattoos were still illegal in Massachusetts). I didn't even know where I would end up. Luckily, I went to Modern Primitives, and my tattoo turned out wonderfully.
It was in honor of my mother. Above my left ankle, I got a tribal butterfly. The tattoo artist was taken aback when I told him I wanted fuschia instead of solid black fill. He said tribals weren't done in fuschia. But I didn't care. Fuchsia was my mum's favorite color, and so I would have fuschia on me. I picked flash off the wall and customized it by having the number 3 put underneath. That is how we used to say I love you. (Long story.)
Butterflies grow and change, and my relationship with my mum has grown and changed. She was aghast when I first got my tattoo. And she didn't understand other things either, like why I cut my thighs with a Mach 3 razor. Couldn't understand how that released my pain.
But we grew to understand each other. And now she is my biggest support. I wish she could have been around throughout my tumultous adolescence. But the reason I am even writing this editorial is because I am so proud to have a mum that is non-judgmental about my mods.
In terms of this community, I am not heavily modded. I have my cartilage pierced, but after all the QODs on BME, I asked to have it done at the largest gauge they would. (I have a 12 gauge.) I have my nostril pierced, and my lobes at an 18g. My nipples are at a 12 and one is taken out because of migration. I have six tattoos: one on each ankle, one around each nipple, one on my back and a new one on my wrist. But I am the most heavily modded of all my friends. I constantly get asked about my tattoos. Each one has personal significance.
And I talk to my mum every day (she lives 3,500 miles away – we live on opposite coasts). Today I explained to her that next month I am planning to get a snug piercing. And I was telling her my plans for upcoming mods: a navel (at 6 or 8 gauge hopefully) once I have achieved my health goals, and I have a few upcoming projects for tattoos. I want 3 large seashells on my back. (That will also cover up a crappy tattoo I got at a tattoo party when I was 19. Damn former Massachusetts laws!) And once I have achieved my health goals (read: enough appropriate weight loss) I want a kayak on the ocean below and to the right of my navel.
I tried to explain to her that our bodies are a blank canvas. But they are works of art too. When we exercise and make ourselves healthy, our true beauty emerges. This she could understand because we both work out often. Seeing the definition on a bicep or tricep muscle is beautiful. In the same way, for me my tattoos and piercings are beautiful. They make me a more whole person. They fill a need to express myself, the same way painters create and writers expound on themes.
My tattoos and piercings represent love and desire and also the true need to be calm. My newest tattoo is in Latin and it says "Aut viam inveniam aut faciam" That translates to "Either I will find a way or I will make one." Planning that tattoo got me through some depression and seeing it on my skin was a visible relief and confirmation of my feelings.
Many parents might dismiss their children's ideas and feelings. I am 24, and don't rely on my family for financial support. But their opinion does matter. When I asked my mum what she thought, she said "different." I replied "different good or different bad?" and she just said "different". She really tries to wrap her head around my ideas. She wants what is best for me and wants to encourage me. She cannot fathom all my tattoo plans, especially since she hates needles. And she doesn't understand why people would want piercings. But she doesn't dismiss me.
She listens to my ideas. She is proud of me. And I am so proud that I have a mum that isn't judgmental. It doesn't help anyone for a parent to be judgmental. And I have had so many people in the past who have judged me: for my sexual orientation, for my mental health issues, for my past cutting, for my involvement with an HBO porn.
I believe that everyone needs a forum to express his or her individuality. Everyone needs that one person who will listen deeply and support unconditionally. For some people, they get their support through friends, or from IAM members on BME. I am proud to say while my mum not might understand my desires to improve myself through body modification; she supports me 100%.