At A Glance
Author	Dawn
Contact	Dawn@bme.anon
IAM	Dawnie
When	N/A

A warm, long awaited release I felt as the blood trickled down my arm, onto my pants, making them crimson stained. I closed my eyes as I pressed firmly upon the razor blade that was cutting through my flesh and releasing all the toxic thoughts that were plaguing my mind.

I discovered the refreshing attribute of releasing all fears, anxieties and stress through the cutting of my own flesh; I gained personal knowledge of the therapeutic affects that cutting, or what many mainstream individuals would consider "self-mutilation", during my tender years as a teenager.

During times of extreme stress, depression or panic, I found comfort not only in the actual cutting, but also in the state of mind I drifted to during my experiences. Similar to a state of meditation, I would clear my mind of all worries and thoughts, simply by concentrating on a negative energy that was clouding or distracting my mind, pressing a blade into my skin, and dragging it across until I focused on the feeling of the flesh splitting, and the blood dripping, feeling the toxic thought clear my mind as the blood dripped down. I repeated this ritual until I reached a peaceful state of mind.

This personal ritual of mine continued for years, however when I finally expressed my feelings and personal experience on the subject with a loved one, and they were quite concerned with me. This loved one of mine just could not grasp the concept of the release or the peace I gained from cutting.

Although I value the opinion and care about the concerns my loved one has for me, I still see nothing wrong with the art of cutting being performed in a therapeutic way. Yet this concept is not typically understood by individuals outside of the body modification community. The art of cutting is frequently identified as self-mutilation or destructive personal behavior. Rarely are the positive feelings and results ever mentioned or thought about by people who are not understanding of this form of personal release.

Many professionals and individuals of the so called "mainstream" society do not want to even attempt to realize that there may be some sort of beneficial aspect to the art of cutting, that it may indeed not be to "mutilate" but to express, to release, to find serenity within the cutters own mind. If the art of cutting is performed in a proper way the cutter may reap the possible benefits that many people are blind to seeing.

Although I do not see a problem with cutting, I must say that many times, however not in all cases, there may be underlying emotional disorders or personality disorders that lead to the art of cutting to allow the cutter to deal with their built up emotions, that at times seem to be inexpressible. That cutting may be the only outlet that a person may see as readily available.

I say this out of personal experience, many years after continued cutting to control my mind and emotions, I was diagnosed with many disorders. I was diagnosed with panic disorder, depression, obsessive compulsive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder and social anxiety disorder. These disorders being untreated for many years may indeed have lead me into the journey through cutting. This will forever be unknown what in my mind decided that a nice sharp razor blade slicing my skin would be so satisfying.

With my psychiatric disorders now being revealed and supposedly being under control through medication, I still have the desire of cutting. My medication has not been able to fill the void of the release and serenity I have personally experienced through cutting. I still occasionally find pleasure and satisfaction through cutting. It helps me cope, to relax, to deal with the everyday world.

That said, I find my medications to be an accessory to my need to cut. The combination of my medications to level out my chemical imbalance I suffer from, and my ritual of cutting to achieve serenity seem to work out perfectly for me.

I must say that although I have found great peace in the art of cutting, it should be noted that cutting can be dangerous if not approached in a sterile and educated manner. There are many risks involved that should thoroughly be researched before a person should even consider indulging in their desire to find true inner peace.

Cutting as an form of relaxation and release also may not be right for many people. Some individuals use cutting as a form of artistic expression and for many other results, however, I have found for myself, personally, that the art of cutting for release has helped me tremendously throughout life.

Although I have found a great peace through cutting, my journey has now shifted to finding alternate forms of release and self expression, and my personal cutting rituals have came to a halt. But the knowledge of this alternative road to release will forever be etched into my skin and remembered in my brain.