Saturday, March 20, 2004, Cere, my husband and the absolute love of my life, and I spent the day relaxing. We woke up late, and spent the day in bed cuddling, playing video games, and watching some Buffy episodes. I definitely needed a day like that to de-stress, as the caterpillars in my tummy were growing much, much larger as the hours ticked away.
At A Glance Author ~*punkycat*~ Contact ~*punkycat*~@bme.anon IAM ~*punkycat*~ When A week ago Artist RITES OF PASSAGE (IAM: Cere & IAM: Mr+Nobody) Studio Kevin's House Location NY, NY I've wanted to suspend since I found out about suspension when I arrived here on BME and IAM. I had set a logical progression for myself and this was my next step, ie. more piercings, tattoos, scarification, suspension and then perhaps ear reshaping and/or a transdermal implant. When I started seeing Cere I was thrust into the world of suspension and with each suspension or pull that I watched, my interest in feeling what it was like for myself grew. I was going to suspend for myself...not because my husband was involved in RITES OF PASSAGE. I guess he wasn't so sure through, as he tried to talk me out of suspending all week long. But I was determined.
The type of suspension I picked was due to may factors. I picked a suicide type of suspension mostly because that's how I envisioned my first time. Secondly, it was because the idea of putting hooks in my legs creeps me out. After careful consideration and talking with Bonny, the person I would consider my best friend, I decided that 2 PT would definitely be better for me then 4 PT. 2 PT would definitely give me more movement for my arms and wouldn't be so constricting.
With all this set into place, Cere and I arrived at Kevin and Bonny's and the boys began setting up. Soon after, Cere marked my back and the boys had me lie on a table. Cere threw my hooks while Kevin held my skin. Getting pierced with 2 6 gauge hooks didn't hurt one bit, much to my surprise! I know Cere was nervous. He was definitely afraid of hurting me, but he did an amazing job. I wouldn't want anyone else throwing my hooks. And we are definitely more close now then we have ever been, if that's even possible.
2 6 gauge Sea Demon hooks where placed in my back. That was my definite accomplishment for the evening. I've never been pierced at such a large gauge before. Cere strung me up to the rig and then grabbed my hands to "walk me up." He had me walking forward and back, little by little until I was on my tippy-toes, but something just didn't feel right. I was way to scared of my feet letting go of the ground. I wanted this so badly, and it was so hard to get over this hurdle. We thought that if Cere picked me up and started to slowly lower me that that might be better. It still wasn't. I held onto him so tightly and begged him not to let go of me. The thought of not having my feet on the ground was just to much for my mind to handle. He put me down on the ground and I felt so many different emotions all at once. My muscles were starting to feel very achy and I couldn't relax. I started feeling light headed and nauseous. I wanted to try one more time, and when that d idn't work either, I resigned to the fact that this wasn't my time and Cere cut me down from the rig.
Coming down was, for lack of better words, the hardest part. This was something I wanted to do so badly. At first, I felt disappointed in myself, but then I realized my accomplishment of having hooks thrown and actually being able to pull against the ceiling. I wasn't suspending my entire body weight, but I was pulling a good portion of it. Getting as far as I did is something that most people will never ever get to do. When I realized all this I started to cry. I had such a mix of emotions going on in my body and I really couldn't explain why I was crying. Kevin and Cere began bleeding out my back and cleaning me up and I just continued crying, until I was all finished and Cere gave me the biggest hug ever. I love that boy sooo much!
Here ends my suspension experience. For most of this week I had a hard time trying to put a label on what I did. It definitely wasn't a "failed attempt" because I didn't feel like a failure. I had accomplished so much. I really didn't feel right calling it a suspension, as I want to save that for when my feet aren't touching the ground. I'd like to think of it as a dress rehearsal for future suspensions..but I'm going to call it my 'Grounded' 2 PT Suicide.