At A Glance
Author	Pierre.
Contact	valo@teambme.com
IAM	Valo
When	A month ago
Artist	many different people
Studio	2003 Suscon
Location	Somewhere in Toronto.

Hi there.

I appreciate the fact that you're reading my experience. I thought long and hard about whether or not I wanted to share this experience with the world, but in the end, I decided in favor of doing so. What I want to talk to you about is what was to be my first suspension, a superman suspension at the 2003 Toronto Suscon.

Let me go into a little bit of background information as to what led to my decision to want to do this. I didn't really know much about suspensions up until about 2000, when I moved from Bathurst to Moncton, NB. While watching Ripley's Believe it or Not (which I didn't get in Bathurst), I saw someone whose name escapes me get hooks put in his back, get hoisted up by a helicopter and fly over the Hollywood sign. I thought this guy was the craziest man alive. That night, while talking to my girlfriend at the time, I mentionned the show. Of course, being an easily impressed 20 year-old kid, I said I was going to hang like that one day. I didn't even know the word suspension then.

A little while later, I started really getting involved with BME and IAM. I started making a lot of friends (and a few significant others which have come and gone), and learning a lot more about this whole suspension dealie. It started making a lot more sense to me, and the more I read up on it, the more I wanted to. I had to keep that quiet for awhile, however, because my girlfriend at the time was really disgusted by the idea of someone hanging from hooks. Upon the subsequent breakup in the early part of 2003, I started letting my intentions known to a few BME/IAM friends. Then a few more. Then some non-iam real life childhood friends, who were FAR less supportive of my decisions. But it didn't matter, for I wanted to do it.

The main reason I wanted to do it at first was the whole spiritual aspect of it I had read so much about. I had been drained for awhile of a lot of feelings for awhile. From some pretty heavy personal losses (I lost my best friend in early 2000), professional losses (I owned a record store for 16 months, and had to close it down in May 2000), to some pretty nasty breakups, it had left me emotionally drained. Sure, I could still put on a happy face, but finding happiness seemed like a hopeless cause. Reading many suspension experiences, reading how it really affected them positively, the rush of emotions they felt while suspending, the feeling of being free... It was something I felt was right for me. it just sounded so right.

Of course, I did have a few obstacles standing in my way. First, upon my 2002 breakup, I had ballooned my weight up to about 340lbs. I didn't even know if suspending at this weight was even remotely possible. I found out it was, yet still ended up losing about 60 lbs Mind you, I did gain some of that back... but still, bottom line, I was lighter when D-Day came than I was when I decided to. The second problem I encountered was the location I was in. Not to bash the province I was born and raised in, but New Brunswick isn't exactly the most open-minded place to be, and finding someone who was experienced, qualified AND willing to pierce me for it was about as likely as winning the lottery while getting struck by lightning. It just wasn't going to happen.

I had come somewhat kindasorta close to doing a pull at a small BME gathering I put together in February (experience for that is here, if you want to read ab out it). Unfortunately, due to not having anyone with experience able to show up (there was, if I remember correctly, another Suscon-type event that same weekend in the states somewhere (I believe it was Rhode Island) , so most everyone attended that event). So for my safety, and the safety of anyone else who was hoping to pull, we decided against it.

I did, however, meet a girl at the event (okay, she flew down to see me, but we still met the day of the event!), and a week later we were an official couple. I was living in Fredericton, NB at the time, and was growing increasingly unhappy with my decision to relocate in the area. I was thinking of places to move. First thought was Ottawa, ON. Then I was thinking of just heading west and likely end up in BC. I of course ended up in the BME Capital of the world, Toronto, Ontatio. While getting ready for the move, I heard of the Toronto Suscon being in the works for late June 2003. After some thoughts, I signed up for it. It was, afterall, my first real opportunity to try this suspension thing, so why pass it up, right?

I had talked to friends about it. I realized that any non-IAM friends I have are really not supportive of it. As a matter of fact, a few of them even tried talking me out of "something so stupid". My mind was set, however, and no small-town friends who really wouldn't be willing or ready to grasp my reasoning was going to stop me.

As the weeks passed and Suscon was fast approaching, I was strangely nonchalant about it. I talked to Philip Barbosa and Allen Falkner about my suspension through IAM and real life (With Phil at a Poison/Skid Row/Vince Neil concert, no less). I was dead set on a superman suspension (if you don't know what it is, please read its description here), mainly because it was the first one I had seen on TV and because being a big guy, it would help distribute my weight a lot more. There were talks of anywhere between 10 and 20 hooks being used on me. I really did not know what to expect.

Weeks turned into days, and days turned into hours. Finally, it was time. I got up at around 8am that day after having a surprisingly decent night of sleep. I hopped in the shower, and when washing my back is when it really hit me: I was going to be hanging from hooks in my back and legs in a few hours. The nervousness finally started hitting me. Angela picked me up at around 9:30 or so, and we headed to the location.

Upon arriving there, I was more than a little intimidated by the number of people there. Everyone was very friendly and courteous, but I was still a little awestruck by so many BME members in one place, so many people whose pages I had read, so many people whom I had heard about. I did fine everyone to be quite approachable, however. After the initial rules were advised to us, shirts were handed out, and forms were filled out, I started watching.

It was my first time seeing suspensions done live. No online video clip, no video, no DVD can compare to seeing it done in person. For the first time, I started doubting if I was ready to go up. I started getting apprhensive, if not a little scared of going up. I knew that no matter what, I could not find any better help in the world than the people at this event. While getting some fresh air, Cere came up to me. He has to be one of the nicest people I have ever met. He told me they wanted to do a horizontal suspension, and wanted to know if I was ready. I told him I was not, and I doubted I was going to be ready on that day. He said he understood, that he was going to let Phil know, and to let someone know if I changed my mind.

After taking a short walk to clear my head, I came back inside to see someone who was, albeit smaller than me, still of a fairly large frame getting rigged for a superman. I watched intensely as he was pierced, rigged and suspended. It was a beautiful thing, and made me think twice about my backing out. I questionned why I wanted to back out. Was it because of fear, or because you didn't know if a larger person was able to suspend. I thought to myself "it's now or never", went to see Phil and asked if there was going to be time a little later for another superman suspension. He said yes. I said I wanted to do it. I then took a walk to get something to eat, as I was famished, having not eaten a thing all day.

A few minutes after coming back, I witnessed Angela getting pierced, rigged, go up for a few minutes after a little while on her tippy toes, before coming down. You can read her experience here. I then went to speak to the guy who went up superman, found out it was the great IEunuch. I asked him about his experience, he was the nicest guy about it. Told me what he felt about it, and everything. I was set, so I thought. I told Allen Falkner I was ready anytime. about 20 or so minutes later, while talking to someone, someone started yelling my name. I turn around, and they point to a massage table all covered up. It was the moment of truth.

I laid down on the table, the girlfriend at my head the whole time (even if she still had 6 hooks in her back for most of the time). Allen came down and started talking to me. My mind was a little out of it by that time. He told me that they were going to clean me up, then try to figure out where to stick the hooks in me, then pierce me four at a time. I OKed it. I thoroughly apologize for forgetting most of who pierced me. I do remember Allen and Emrys as being part of the crew working on me. I remember someone (I think Allen) trying to find some spots to pierce me, only to scream out "we have our first football!", meaning I have thick skin. I was then informed (or maybe I asked for it, I don't remember) that there was going to be SIX people piercing me at once. I liked that idea, meaning I only had to go through it twice instead of 3 times. After a minute or two if clearing my head and going over the breathing pattern s with Allen, I was as ready as I'd ever get.

I put my head down in the hole on the massage table, Angela holding my hand and rubbing my head for comfort. they then started getting ready to pierce me. I felt gloved hands grabbing bits of flab, pulling pieces od skin from my back and legs. Then I started to feel some pricks, meaning that they were ready with needles. Allen then told me to take deep breaths in and out, until they realized my breathing wasn't that obvious. They were apparently having a hard time seeing me breathe. After a few seconds, I took a deep breath in, then out, them in, and on the second exhale, I heard "ready, one, two, three" as six needles went into my back and legs at once. Not the best feeling in the world. A tear or two came down my face, I didn't know why. I asked if they could give me a minute to clear my head. Someone came to ask how I was doing, I said some wisecrack about hemrhoids, I think. They then prepared for the second piercing.

Once again, the routine was the same. They all grabbed their mound of flesh, except for two people who switched (apparently I had one part on my lower right side that was a bitch to grab onto. I breathed in, and this time on the first exhale, they all pierced me, sorta. The pain was just a little more intense, except one person struggled for just a second more on the right side. I don't know who, and I know it's not their fault for my thick skin and flabby body, but it sucked ass. They then told me I was all needled up, so I just relaxed, and for some strange reason just burst into tears. It wasn't from the pain, and it wasn't from being sad. I looked up for a second, and saw the girlfriend, which was a very comforting sight. She then went to be "bled out". I laid there, thinking about how much I went through.. It felt good... but for some reason it just did not feel right. I looked up again and saw a crowd of people I either did not know whatsoever, or people I had never sp oken to in my life. That's when I started thinking.

I started second guessing myself. I had gone through a lot over the last year or so. From getting stabbed to being shot at to moving 4 times to many insecurities... Then thinking of so many strangers watching me, I started getting a little spooked. I really felt like it was more of a "watch the fat guy suspend" than it was a "spiritual experience shared with a group of friends", which is deep down what I really wanted to experience. At least not for my first time. It started feeling like the "it's now or never" I had told myself a few hours earlier was being drowned by thoughts of "it just doesn't feel right today". Even upon talking to Angela, who gave me my first "I love you", it still felt like nothing could salvage me that day. After a few minutes of thinking it over, I decided to tell Allen that it didn't feel right, and that I was going to back out for that day. He gave me a few more minutes to think about it, and after some thinking, I decided to stop there. No one go t to see the fat man fly... and I was a little happy about that. They unrigged me (I hadn't even realized I was rigged), took the hooks out (I still got to keep one as a reminder), bled me out, cleaned me up, put so tachiderms (sp?) bandages on my wounds, and I was on my way a little saddened, but relieved.

It's almost been a month since I was rigged up. The Tachiderms came off the same night, mostly due to the fact that they had a hard time sticking on my hairy body. Thinking now, I DO want to go up one day. That much hasn't changed. I just don't feel like I'm one for doing it amongst a crowd of people I don't really know, if at all. I want this to be an experience I go through more or less on my own, not as a public spectacle. I don't know when that will be. I've gone through some more life changes (I/E a breakup) since, and am still adjusting to the Toronto area. I'm thinking of probably doing a pull before trying to go up again. I'm hoping for that in the near future, but as far as going up, it'll be a little while longer before I feel like I'm truly mentally prepared for it.

The best way I can end this experience would be by quoting Allen Falkner. "You went further than 99% of the rest of the world. There is no shame even if you didn't go up."

Thank you very much for taking the time to read my experience.

-Pierre.