At A Glance
Author	Lesley
Contact	Lesley@bme.anon
IAM	Lesley
When	Six months ago

Disclaimer: I do not recommend for those under 18 years old to pierce themselves. It is far safer and easier to wait until you are 18 and go to a professional.

All in all I do not think I could have avoided piercing myself. The desire, for me, was too great. That being said, I want to tell my story, and make sure that people under 18 know the risks involved and know that things might not turn out as they plan. If they, like me, are going to do it anyway, my hope is that they will have the information provided to do it as safely as possible—even though realistically they WILL make mistakes they don't plan on making.

Why the inner labia?

In my opinion, and after much research, I thought that the inner labia would be the best thing to pierce myself. It boiled down to the simple reason that of all piercings it seemed to require the least skill. In addition, since the vagina is fairly self-cleansing, it seemed to have the least chance of getting infected if I screwed everything up, which I (more or less) did. However, I also knew that I could easily hide this from everyone—parents, teachers, peers—and wouldn't face any social stigma that I was unprepared for.

Getting the supplies

I used BME store to get all of the piercing supplies and jewelry that I needed. Without that I probably would have ended up piercing myself with a safety pin and some crusty jewelry from my friend Kevin's underwear drawer (just kidding, I wasn't THAT desperate.) I ordered a 12g 3/8" internally threaded circular barbell, a 12g needle, foerster clamps (with a hole in the middle.) I do not have a credit card, so I sent a money order. It cost about $45—plus $3 for a money order to Canada.

I still needed supplies to sanitize my piercing area, so after work one day I walked to Rite Aid and bought the following things: rite aid brand 70% isopropyl rubbing alcohol (the 90+% solution had a warning requiring proper ventilation, which I couldn't provide, so I opted for the lower concentration) rite aid brand 3% hydrogen peroxide solution, rite aid brand sterile pads, and safeskin powder free purple nitrile gloves (I highly recommend that others purchase gloves with powder; I got these because they were half off and a lot cheaper than the other gloves... guess I found out why.) Of course, this was FAR inferior to using an autoclave and someone who actually knows what they are doing, but was better than using nothing at all. This was cheap; all these things together cost about $10.

What I did

Things started off pretty well. The very first thing I did was wash my hands incredibly well. Next, I wiped off the edge of my bathtub (which is flat) with the hydrogen peroxide solution. I laid out the clamps, jewelry, and needle, disinfecting them with rubbing alcohol and switching gloves after I touched contaminated objects.

I tried to put the clamps on. They hurt too much for me to handle. I just couldn't get the nerve to squeeze them all the way shut, which I thought was what I was supposed to do at the time (I later found out this wasn't true.) So I ditched the clamps. I pulled the skin tight, and pushed the needle through. I must have gone through a blood vessel or something, because I started bleeding. A LOT. There was blood all over the floor, my gloves, EVERYTHING. This made things very slippery, to say the least. In addition, I didn't have the jewelry ready, and I didn't realize quite how quickly the needle would go all the way through. So before I knew it, the needle was all the way out. The hole was hard to see, because it was low down on my labia (further from the clit.) I tried desperately to find the hole with the jewelry, with no luck. I did not think I could handle doing this to myself again. It didn't hurt that much (despite the intense bleeding)—I think it was more that I emotionally couldn't handle piercing myself again. The sight of that much of my own blood gave me somewhat of a mental block. I was too determined to back out at this point, though. I knew I would never work up the nerve to do it again, on another day. Besides, after buying all this stuff, cleaning off all the surfaces, and getting blood all over my bathroom and myself, I was not ready to give up so easily.

All in all, it was a good thing that I pierced myself again. In retrospect, the first hole I made was way too close to the edge of the labia. It wouldn't have worked, and if it had, it wouldn't have looked how I wanted it to. At this point, I took off the gloves. The blood from the first hole made things too slippery and there was no way really to avoid the blood... it was literally everywhere. I couldn't even hold the labia tight with gloves on, because there was too much blood to get a good grip on it with the gloves. So I took off my gloves and I washed my hands again and disinfected the needle and jewelry again with rubbing alcohol. I pulled the skin tight and tried to push the needle through my labia (this time closer to my clit and the base of my labia.) I had another huge mental block. I spent a long time sitting there trying to work up the nerve again.

Finally, I pulled the skin tight and just pushed the needle through, slower than last time, so I could have it inside my labia still and try to push the jewelry in behind it. It did hurt me a significant amount this time--a lot more than the first. In retrospect, after getting a number of body modifications, I think that this was mostly mental. Well, I failed at pushing the jewelry in behind it. No such luck. I pulled the needle out and couldn't get the jewelry in behind it. Luckily, it did not bleed even 1/100th as much as the first hole did, for whatever reason.

After that, I started to get very frustrated. So frustrated, that I essentially ignored all safety procedures. I gave up completely on gloves, and after dropping the jewelry once on my incredibly dirty floor all I did was pick it up and pour rubbing alcohol over it, without even washing my hands. I tried for a very long time to get it into the hole. Finally, I got it through the first half of my inner labia, but not the second. I could only seem to get it halfway through. I was heartbroken. I couldn't fathom going through this again. Piercing myself again was out of the question. I would just have to push it all the way through. I had time. I took a deep breath and sat down on the edge of my bathtub. I pushed, and moved it around, and pushed, and moved it around, and pushed, and moved it... etc etc etc. FINALLY, I got it through, but it was an incredibly frustrating process. I sat down, relieved. The jewelry was in. I felt safe. I thought the worst was over, bu t I was wrong.

I still had to put the balls on.

So, I sat down on the edge of my bathtub, trembling. I was shaking so much, it was hard to even hold the balls, let alone put them on the jewelry. It took forever, and, like trying to put the jewelry in, it was incredibly frustrating. I just couldn't seem to get them to stay on and screw down. I must have dropped them each at least 10 times on my dirty bathroom floor, and picked them up without cleaning them (I'm not even sure if it's important for the balls to be clean but it made me uneasy that I did not even know.) I can only imagine that a ring would have been even trickier, as there is a special tool JUST for closing the ring around the ball. Then again, I don't think anything could have been harder than this at the time. It wouldn't have been nearly as difficult if I hadn't been shaking uncontrollably... but I was. Also, I think because it was a 12g internally threaded circular barbell (the threads were very small) it was harder to get it to stay. I wanted to c all my boyfriend and make him come over and put the balls on, but I knew he wasn't home. All in all putting the balls on could not have taken less than 15 minutes, and I suspect it took much longer.

Then afterwards, came the most intense euphoria I have ever felt. Yes, it would have been easier (and SAFER) to wait and go to a professional, but the challenge gave me an enormous sense of satisfaction and accomplishment.

Healing

Now, as frustrating as this piercing was to perform, it was amazingly fast healing. For the first week, I did sea salt soaks twice a day. The first time it was very interesting to see all the blood and crusted matter just flow right out of my piercing... but subsequent soaks really weren't as eventful. After that, I basically used the "leave it the hell alone" method. I hoped that my body would be able to fend for itself, and luckily I was right. After about a week it did not hurt at all when I walked or ran or basically did anything short of pulling really hard on it. I did pull on it hard once and that made it sore for a day or two. That wasn't the smartest thing to do.

Also, after a few weeks I shaved my pubic hair and the shaving gel seemed to irritate it a bit and dry it out. Other than that, it basically was never even noticeable.

For the first week I didn't wear any underwear, and wore loose fitting pants. This gave my piercing breathing room, and eliminated the uncomfortable pinching feeling of panties. After that I could wear underwear and tight pants just fine. After a month I had sex, and it did not interfere at all with anything.

The aftermath

Basically, I got my "fifteen minutes of fame." Everyone was impressed that I did it myself. I got everything from "That's pretty cool." to "Did it hurt?" to "What the FUCK were you on!?" Five of my friends asked to see it and I showed them all. Two started screaming "Oh my god, it looks so good!" when they saw it. For someone who was feeling awful at the time, the attention (which was overwhelmingly positive, because I didn't tell anyone who wouldn't appreciate it) was quite important to me.

In addition, this inevitably (and ironically) improved my relationship with my mom. I clearly can't say it will do this for everyone, or even anyone besides me. My mom is very loving and understanding, and I am fortunate to be raised by someone like her. Perhaps it wasn't the piercing itself, but my sudden willingness to be honest with her, that sparked the improvement in our relationship. I think the piercing helped, though, because she saw I was serious in my desire for body modifications (I had often asked her for professionally done piercings, and she always said no.) And it was one less thing I was hiding from her. Our conversation went something like this:

Mom, pointing to tattoo: Did you draw that on yourself?

(I should note that I had had this for over five months and hadn't exactly been hiding it, and she had just decided to say something about it.)

Me: No mom, it's a tattoo; it's permanent.

Mom: Oh. Well whoever did it did a very nice job.

(Pause)

Mom: I hope you're not thinking of piercing yourself.

Me: I already did, mom.

Mom: Eeek, I was afraid of that. Next time I'll take you somewhere, okay? I'd rather have you get it done by a professional.

Well that's my mom. She had seen a pathetic looking tattoo machine I tried to make and thought it was for piercing. (Needless to say that thing did not even remotely work.) Then she talked about how her mom hated contact lenses, and hadn't understood why anyone would want to wear them. She said the idea of being pierced was scary to her, and she would never want to get it done, and she didn't want to think about it, but if that's what I wanted she supported me (more or less.) It was a tremendous relief to no longer have to hide my tattoo or piercing from her. True to her word, she later took me to get my tongue and septum pierced.

So why did you do this, anyway?

It would be an utter lie to say I did this with a clear head. At the end of the year, I stopped attending school for a month because of severe depression. I refused to go. I basically did nothing but lie in my bed, so I had a lot of free time to say the least. I had wanted to pierce my inner labia for a while, and after talking to an IAM member extensively he gave me the drive to finally go through with it. He had many heavy modifications, and I figured if he could do that, then I could do this. So I ordered everything on BMEshop and walked to the post office and purchased a money order.

When it came in the mail I was unsure of whether or not I wanted to do it, but one day, the urge overcame me. Although I was on antidepressants at the time, they were not working quite right for me. They made me jittery, nervous, and unable to sit still (in addition to not making me any happier.) Piercing myself gave me something to do to occupy the time.

So more or less, depressed and jittery kid + needle = piercing?

I guess that makes sense.

Still, I think I did this out of boredom and the desire to feel like I could still accomplish something despite my rather pathetic and lethargic state—this was definitely NOT an act of self-harm, but more a challenge to myself, to see if I could do it.

The Untimely Death

Unfortunately, my piercing did not last very long. After about two months, during a session of sex, I noticed that one of the balls was rolling around on my mattress. I stopped having sex, and spent the next ten minutes putting the ball back on (why is this so much harder than it seems like it should be?) Well needless to say, that sort of ruined the mood and we stopped having sex. I screwed both the balls on as tight as possible but didn't think much of it.

However, the next day I was taking a bathroom break at work and I looked down in the toilet and the other ball was at the bottom (it was not the same one that had fallen off the night before.) It was easier to screw in this time—it was on the outside and I was a bit more experienced at screwing in the damn things.

Yet, later that night right before I was going to take a shower, I looked down and noticed that one of the balls was missing AGAIN. Luckily, I looked around and immediately saw the ball. The next day, I was not so fortunate.

I was walking around with a friend, and I thought I heard the sound of one of the balls dropping. However, I naively thought it would just stay in my underwear and assumed it was just an acorn falling out of a tree or something of that sort. An hour or so later I used the bathroom at my friend's house. I looked down in the toilet, and there was the entire circular barbell, missing one ball. I tried desperately to get it back in, but I got it through halfway and could not, for the life of me, get it through the rest of the way. I tried and tried, and was hugely disappointed.

Remembering the piercing itself, (and looking at pictures I took during its short lived life) I can see that the placement was awful. Inner labia piercings should be placed deep, but this one was so deep that the skin folded over itself if I was not stretching my labia. I think that definitely contributed to my body's unwillingness to accept it. As weird as it sounds, I see what happened as sort of a subconscious rejection. In addition, the piercing is much closer to the clit than I would have liked (although, I had always planned to get more—so this wasn't as much of an issue for me as it might be for other people.)

In conclusion

I don't necessarily want to encourage a young people, or anyone, to pierce them him or herself. Going to a professional is by far much safer and easier. That being said I'm not going to say that what I did was a mistake, or that no one should pierce themselves except trained professionals. I notice that a lot of underage piercing stories on BME ride off what they did as stupid or a mistake. And yes, it is sort of stupid to pierce yourself when you really have absolutely no idea what you are doing. But when I looked at the alternative—severe depression, suicide, self-loathing—piercing myself as a minor seemed a lot less stupid to me, and I decided to take some risks. Of course, I'm not saying that piercing myself instantly or permanently cured all, or even any, of my problems. But it did send me down a road (body modification) that I feel is curing a lot of these problems. I feel that sometimes teenagers need something, anything, to help them out of their rut. I'm su re many professional piercers started out piercing themselves when they were kids. Lastly, just because it was stupid of me to pierce myself with no experience, it doesn't mean it was necessarily a mistake. This was an important experience for me, even though I eventually lost my piercing.

That being said, it obviously wasn't as easy as a lot of self-piercing experiences on BME made it sound to me. Quick? Painless? Easy? Yeah right. It took over an hour. Pain is relative. It was very frustrating and, well, not exactly easy. Just because something was "quick, painless, and easy" for someone else, doesn't mean it's going to be that way for you, especially if (like me) you have absolutely no idea what you are doing. That also doesn't mean you shouldn't do it yourself—just think hard about it, be weary, and realize the risks.

I am now 18 and have gotten a few more modifications, all by trained professionals. I have a flesh removal scarification, a septum piercing, and two inner labia piercings. I've learned a lot about how to calm myself and what I can handle, and every time I have gotten a step closer to how I want to look. I must say that I was shocked at how easy it was to get professionally done labia piercings. It took about five minutes to get both of them!

I got them done with perfect placement and CBRs, not CBBs. I got them at 10g because I was now paranoid about the balls falling out. They look and feel great—much better than the one I did myself.

I'm not sure I ever want to do another piercing myself. It is safer and more sanitary to go to a professional. Not to mention the piercings usually look better. I loved that inner labia piercing, though, and it meant a lot to me. If you have IAM there's a picture on my page.