So I guess I'm not your typical pierced type person. I have no tattoos, and the only piercing I had prior to this was an ear piercing my roommate talked me into getting. "Come on! It'll be a roommate thing!" Yes, it was at the mall. And yes, I know how horrible those guns are, now. His earring disappeared about a week after we got them. I kept mine, though. Or I did until I lost the earring about 4 months ago.
At A Glance Author -B Contact -B@bme.anon When It just happened Artist Ron Studio The Piercing Lounge Location Madison, WI So anyway, I'm in grad school for a PhD, have a normal haircut and a fairly neatly trimmed beard. I wander around in jeans and a t-shirt. I guess I look like your average guy. Not at all the kind of person who would have a pierced penis!
I'd been thinking I ought to replace my earring, and my current girlfriend was all for it. The thing I disliked about my crappy mall earring (which DID last 2 years, so I have to give it a little credit) that I liked the least was the annoying way it poked me if I was laying down on it. I figured a ring would be better, and so I decided to go get a hoop from a real piercer. When I told my girlfriend, she said, "Hey, while you're there, why not get a Prince Albert?"
"Ha ha. No way am I jabbing a needle through my dick!" I said. But the spark of curiosity had flickered to life. When I got back to my place that day, I spent a good deal of time researching PA's both on BME and on other sites. I grew more and more intrigued. The PA had a lot going for it....
1) Quick healing time!
2) Adds fun for BOTH people. (usually)
3) Never have to worry about having to take it out for work.
4) Easiest and least painful genitalia piercing.
5) If you don't like it, there's a good possibility of it healing all the way up.
I figured.... what the hell! So I went to the shop (The Piercing Lounge in Madison, Wisconsin. It rocks. I recommend it highly.) and wandered in to look at their earrings. I picked out a CBR I liked and had my hole stretched to take the ring. The shop was clean, well lit, and the people I talked to were all interestingly tattooed/pierced and amazingly friendly. These were the people your mom told you to "cross the street" to avoid (actually, my mom didn't, she's surprisingly liberal....) and they were downright friendly. Well, a few questions later and I had an appointment set for 3 p.m. Wednesday.
I hurried home and called my girlfriend.
"Guess what?"
"You farted?"
"No, seriously! Guess what?"
"You got your new earring?"
"Yup. And an appointment! Wednesday! 3:00p.m!"
"Shut up! No way! You're lying!"
"No I'm not! Wednesday I get a Prince Albert!"
"No! Don't do it! I forbid you!"
"Why?"
"Well.... are you sure? It's not cause I suggested it? You really want it?"
"Sure!" I outlined my reasons.
"Oh man. No sex for how long?"
So it was set. Wednesday I had my last final of the semester, and then I walked over to the Piercing Lounge, filled out the forms, and set about selecting a gauge. Right off the girl at the counter wanted to steer me to a 10 gauge. From reading around, I noticed the consensus was pretty much "12 is the smallest you should even consider!" so 10 seemed like a good idea. I was all for it. Until she pulled out the ring. 10 gauge doesn't look too big around until you consider that it's GOING RIGHT THROUGH YOUR DICK! I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me.
"Oops, that's an 8 gauge. Sorry. Didn't mean to frighten you!"
Whew! She pulled out a real 10 gauge, and it still looked big, but definitely doable. Rob came out and took me back to the room. He had everything laid out and ready to go. We went over the procedure, and chatted about college, growing up, the weather, etc. He was doing a good job of relaxing me. He also handed me a couple of sand filled rubber balloons.... stress balls, to squeeze. Yay! Things were going smoothly, talking about the application of the disinfectant and how the cotton swab wasn't gonna feel good.
Then we got to the receiving tube.
Sweet baby Jesus.
I'd read well over 30 accounts on BME about the receiving tube. I thought I was ready for the receiving tube. I figured the receiving tube would not faze me.
I was wrong.
For those of you reading this and many other accounts, and thinking about that receiving tube and how you won't get psyched out like the pansies telling their stories I say this... HA! Good luck! That thing was the size of a ballpoint pen cut diagonally. I could hardly believe it.
"THAT'S the receiving tube?" I sputtered.
"Yup. Don't worry. It doesn't feel good and will likely sting a bit, but the urethra is very stretchy. It'll fit and we'll be done in a jiffy.
That's when I broke out into a cold sweat.
"You sure you want to go through with this?"
"Yes, but I'm not gonna watch."
"Okay.
And we started. The swabbing wasn't actually so bad as I thought. The receiving tube, however was really bad. By this point, my lips had started to lose their color ("That's how we tell if you're going into a mild shock. We watch your lips," Rob later told me.)
"You're sweating and flushed already. I'm going to cool you off a bit." Rob spritzed me with a squirt bottle set to fine mist. It felt so good.
"You okay?"
"Yes." My heart was hammering in my chest.
"Okay, take a deep breath for me. Good, now let it out slowly...."
The needle went in. The pain wasn't too bad, but I'd psyched myself out so much I was already pretty much in shock.
"Relax! Breath! Hold on, I'm going to leave the needle in and let you calm down."
The room dimmed to a pinpoint of light. I was going to faint! I Rob talking to me. He was trying to get me to eat a chewable vitamin to take my mind off of it. After about 3 times of telling me what it was, I opened my mouth and he popped the vitamin in and gave me a small glass of water to drink. Things swam back into focus. Rob was putting a wet towel across my forehead. It felt very good.
"Okay. You okay? You need to throw up?"
"Maybe."
"Okay, here's the wastebasket. Hold on to that. We'll wait a second and make sure you're okay."
A few deep breaths later, I was feeling MUCH better. Enough adrenaline had flooded my body I could have run a mile in under 4 minutes for sure. Once I stopped jittering, I handed the garbage can back and said, "I'm okay. Whew. Okay."
"All right. I'm gonna put the jewelry in now. You really won't feel much of anything this time."
And he was right! Rob zipped it on, cleaned me up, and bandaged me. There wasn't much blood at all. He walked me through after-care making sure I was paying attention and not too spaced from the near fainting fit. Then I got myself presentable.
"You did well! Be proud of yourself! It's a lot different than getting your ear pierced! Plenty of people get psyched out because they don't know what to expect!"
"Yah. Thanks!"
I tipped Rob and went out to the front room.
"How'd it go?" asked the girl at the counter.
"Well, I didn't faint and didn't throw up."
"Good for you!" she said. And she seemed to mean it too!
I picked up some sea salt and headed home. I picked up some food right away, too. Eating after the piercing made me feel TONS better.
So, it's now 7 hours and 3 pees later. My last bit of advice: try the peeing in warm water trick. It works! And as for me, by far the worst part of the piercing was the mental frenzy I'd whipped myself into before and during the piercing. Stay calm. It'll be okay! And if all else fails, try swearing a little.