I can't remember the first time I saw a Prince Albert. Leading a very sheltered and innocent life, I have never seen one in person so it must have been the first time I typed "piercings" in the old Altavista search engine and ended up on BME's site. Was it around 1994? Must have been. My precum told me it was love at first sight. I began mentally preparing for the fearsome ordeal ahead. Last Wednesday I was ready. I called "Harness" in Helsinki and made a date for Saturday morning before the shop opened. My timing was due to three factors - an eleven day long Christmas break when I could take care of the fresh piercing, a tax rebate giving me a few extra euros and the realization that time is passing... Now or never!
At A Glance Author stehvelo Contact stephenb@kolumbus.fi When It just happened Artist Yazka Studio Harness Location Helsinki, Finland I caught the train into Helsinki and slowly made my way to Harness. I had almost an hour to walk a kilometre. It was a very long hour. All kinds of ideas went through my head like "Suppose it hurts?", "Can I have an anaesthetic?" and "Can I chicken out while saving face?" I'd been doing some research on BME and many of the stories tell of blood-filled rubber gloves, buckets of gore on the sheets and pharmaceutical regimes which would keep the Columbian economy going for three weeks. I was certain that in a matter of mere minutes, I'd be weeping in agony with blood filling rubber glove after rubber glove. And that on the tram back to the station...
At exactly 11.15, I entered Harness and was welcomed by the new assistant whom I'd called to confirm the appointment. She was infectiously upbeat and offered coffee, chatted about how she was enjoying her apprenticeship and invited me to sit. Yazka would be out in just a moment to do my PA. I was a little surprised because I had assumed Marko would do it. Presently Yazka appeared, shook hands most welcomingly and started to explain the procedure. We looked at some photos of PAs, discussed what size ring and gauge would be best and where I wanted the placement. He explained how the piercing is done and showed me the receiving tube. I was disappointed rather than horrified. I knew there was no way that that was going to fit in my piss-slit. A wasted journey...
The paper-covered ex-dentist's chair was ready and so was I. "OK, let's do it!" I said. Dropped my baggy jeans and boxers and pulled them off over my Ranger boots. Lay on the chair, tilted back so I couldn't really follow the proceedings although Yazka explained at every stage what was about to happen, what I would feel.
"Now I'm going to put in the receiving tube. It's uncomfortable and your piss-slit is a bit narrow."
"OK."
An odd sensation while I waited for the uncomfortable part. I thought Yazka was talking Dentist, where "uncomfortable" means "prolonged extreme agony".
"Now I have to twist the tube to find the spot where I'll insert the needle. It might hurt a bit. Try to stay as still as possible."
Some more unique sensations as metal explored the interior of my penis.
"Oh! Oh great! Yes! Just the spot. Ah, this is just perfect!" Yazka was getting quite enthusiastic - but perhaps this is part of his normal bedside manner.
"Now I'm going to make the pierce. Don't move and especially don't nudge me. This will hurt but only for a moment."
I put my arms around the underside of the dentist's chair and clasped them tight. I could feel Yazka's warm fingers on my penis feeling for the perfect spot he'd found, some slight readjustment then sharp pressure.
"It's in. Next I put the actual ring in."
More exploratory sensations and then "Finished! I just have to straighten the ring and put the closure ball on."
I unclasped my arms and sat up to see my dong with its new companion. No blood anywhere. Not the merest smear. Just the planet's newest PA!
I sat there for a few moments bemused by the whole thing. I had felt no pain and had stayed relaxed throughout - partly due to my trust and respect for Yazka and because I'd been quite prepared for a minute or so of unpleasantness. I even felt a little cheated because I wanted my PA to signify "Here's a guy with enormous courage!" and I hadn't experienced anything which might require even a smidgen of heroic tolerance to pain. Drats!
Yazka didn't say anything about rubber gloves or bandages but I asked about keeping it clean by dunking it in sea-salty water.
"No need," he said. "Just shower it twice a day. The sea salt is only for when it looks like it might drop off."
I got the distinct impression from Yazka that of the five hundred or so PAs which he's done, mine went best. No fuss, no pain, no mess. If I had another dick, he could pierce that too, no sweat. As I donned my pants sans bandages, rubber gloves or other receptacles, I asked him about stretching it. I'll return to Harness every couple of months for an ever-larger gauge ring. Harness has a superb display of jewellery. That was it. We wished each other Happy Christmas and I was out at 12.05.
When I got home, I waited with some anxiety for the sensations of the first piss. I'd purposely drunk as little as possible that morning to avoid difficult situations on the train home. At home I started to guzzle liquids (starting with a nice bottle of South African red). As I had read in BME, I sat down to pee. It didn't sting or burn but I noticed that I had to "push" harder to get the last drops out. There was also a very small amount of dried blood on my foreskin which I washed off.
Saturday night I slept well, no discomfort. On Sunday around lunchtime I noticed a couple of blood spots in my underwear. I washed my dong and cancelled meeting a friend that evening in case the situation grew more ominous. But it didn't. Sunday night I slept well also - I'm the sort who turns sheets into sailors' knots overnight but my nocturnal gymnastics didn't cause any bleeding. Today I experimented with peeing standing up - and my aim was straight and true. Of course, being uncut helps a whole lot. And today there's been no sign of blood.
Could mine be the best PA experience ever? Thanks Yazka!