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At A Glance Author anonymous Contact anonymous@bme.anon Artist Tobi Zidell Studio Alexe's New Tattoo Location Roanoke Va.

Funny, it took me better than fifteen years to finally get my first permanent piercing and yet I was playing with body modification well before there was a common term for it. I had been intrigued by how bodies could be rearranged and modified by the medical profession from as far back as I can remember. They are some of my earliest memories. My "families" MD was of the old country type with his own surgery set up in his office. Being a single practitioner with no other help than a single nurse. He was often backed up for hours. Having to go regularly for a variety of problems that I would grow out of anyway. I would put my time to good use by prowling the back rooms and the various surgeries when they were not in use. Or when I would have the "good" fortune to be parked in one of them. This was well before disposable equipment came to be and I would play for hours with old needles and glass syringes that the nurse would give me that were worn out.

No they weren't contaminated unless it was by my own blood. Even then any thing else would have been a bad idea.

Somewhere in this, it all started to take on an erotic content and my fantasies would run toward mysterious operations with no explicit purpose but I knew that I would get terribly excited by the thought of having "things" done to me.

Fast forward to the eighties and of course I had become involved in medicine. The fascination with all of those wonderful toys had only deepened and now I knew what they were for, and best of all how to use them. Needless to say no one ever taught me how to abuse them. That part I figured out on my own.

Pre HMO, stocks of equipment were not as rigorously checked as they are today and it was very easy to simply walk out the door with pockets bulging. Most of the time, simply because I forgot to empty them at the end of a shift and sometimes because I wanted to play with a new toy. Having to poke holes in other people didn't lessen my interests. Rather they sharpened them as I wondered just what they felt like.

About this time I read the "Story of O" and my earlier interests now had a goal. I wanted what she had. Being male this presented a problem, but also being inventive and with a ready supply of toys. I wanted to see all of the things I could do with myself. I also found this news letter from some guys on the west coast playing with similar things and ideas. I immediately subscribed to their news letter, PFIQ. Gauntlet didn't yet exist and all of what passes for common now was so far to the extreme that I shared my fascination with no one for quite a few years. Like many others out there I knew that I was alone, and that I had to be the worst kind of pervert. Yet I kept coming back to my play when the desire would over whelm me. I thought that I was the first person ever to play with "IV" equipment and fill my scrotum with saline, and yet to anyone with time on their hands and equipment to do it, it wasn't a stretch at all. Even if it would be another ten years before I heard of anyone else doing it. My first piercings were my nipples and how to describe the feeling. Pain, and yet a transcendence mixed with an erotic edge that would carry my for weeks. I decided that I would put a ring in my nipple to stay. This was rather short lived as my (now ex) wife when ballistic when she found it. This alone was enough to drive me totally back in the closet for another ten years. By this time. I knew what a Prince Albert piercing was and having seen my penis with needles sticking in it at almost every conceivable angle I knew that this was the way I was suppose to look. However life was conspiring against my doing it for keeps yet. As I was now working in a situation where I would have to disrobe in a common area, and the grief, bordering on being an outcast that I would have to live with if I were to have a PA delayed my plans yet again.

Finally this past December having thought about doing this for almost twenty years I drove over to the piercing establishment that I had picked out years before. I walked in, and no one was there! I was starting to think that I would never get a hole in my body unless I put it there myself. However having made the commitment to get it done by someone else I wasn't about to drop it, yet again. Three more trips and I finally connected with Tobi. It didn't take a lot to convince her that I wanted to get an eight gage to start with and that I wanted the piercing routed through the frenulum. Although both of these were not standard It was apparent that I knew what I wanted and that I was willing to go through the pain. The piercing it's self was anti climactic. It was extremely cool to feel a penis piercing being done by someone else, and done a whole lot quicker that I could have done myself. Ten minutes I'm walking out the door with my new adornment. Bleeding was almost nonexistent and the healing was, I thought extremely rapid. So rapid that I was back for a heavier gage ring inside of six weeks.

I thought that at the time that six gage was it. Eight gage seemed out of proportion and it made my urine spray like a garden hose. The six gage ring fixed this and the size was better in proportion. It also felt better during sex. However, an inquisitive mind rarely stays in one place. It was maybe another two months before I was back. This time going to a four gage. When I first saw the six gage it seemed enormous and here I was going past it like it was nothing. Well everything that improved with the change to six, was double for the four gage.

Now I know that anyone reading this has already figured out what took me another two months to figure out and that was I needed to try upping the ante again. So here I sit typing this with my new two gage ring and my penis still smarting from the stretch, and I already know that this is not the final one. I just have to see where my limit is and I have a feeling that it is going to be past a zero gage as well.

Whether I wear a ring that large or not isn't the question. What is the question is the desire to see how far I can stretch the piercing.

I know that a PA is no longer that big of a deal. but for me it is the reassurance that I needed to start me into a whole other realm. I'll post those changes as they happen.