"Ok, if you'd just like to take off your trousers and boxers and put them on the chair there."
At A Glance Author anonymous When A week ago Artist John Studio Nirvana Location Glasgow It all felt slightly surreal. This was entirely spur of the moment. I'd been wanting to get my frenum pierced for a while, but hadn't planned on doing it today. I was in town to check out some digital cameras and decided, while standing on the train, to head to Nirvana. Just pop in and ask a few questions about a frenum piercing. Get a few details. Just some details. Cost. Healing time. That sort of thing.
A few months earlier, I'd been in with my wife while she got her nipple pierced. This was something she'd wanted to do for a while but a fear of sharp pointy things put her off. She'd nearly passed out when I'd got mine done 8 years before and she was sat out in the waiting area at the time. But John had immediately put her at ease by talking about everything and anything apart from pushing sharp metal through nipples. She remained conscious throughout; she uttered only one word - "fukkin'ell!" and left with a big grin on her face.
I'd talked a few times about wanting another piercing - due to my job, facial piercings are out apart from an earring and I like the assymmetry of one nipple piercing - so that left the trouser department. PA's are intriguing but so is sitting down to pee and reading up about frenums, I thought this would be the best, least intrusive piercing. But I just left it at that for the time being.
Then, one morning, I suddenly find I've walked all the way to the piercing shop. It was empty which always helps, especially when asking for some metal for your knob. I asked about price and was then told it could be done there and then. Strike while the iron is hot and the shop is empty, I always say; do it before the mind kicks in and tells you there are some excellent digital SLRs to go and look at.
I filled out the obligatory form, while John prepped the room. He then came out and waved, I stood up, nodded at him and he told me he'd been waving at the window cleaner. I sat down again. There are times you feel a bit foolish when that sort of thing happens but I had a few other things on my mind.
A minute or so later, John called me through and proceeded to ask me what I knew of the piercing, drew a lovely little picture of a penis to explain how it was done and how easy and painless it is. He recommended using a ring as this sits better on guys who have a foreskin. With a barbell a tight foreskin can push the bar crooked. I, however, wanted a bar, for aesthetic and comfort reasons and he said he'd take a look and we'd see if it would work.
Now of course came the moment to remove the trousers and boxers. I lay back, while the old chap flopped back pathetically. It does feel very odd, speaking as a straight man, to find yourself lying naked from the waist down as another man starts up a conversation about Spanish cinema. I tried to hold as normal a conversation as possible under the circumstances (I realised half way through that I still had my socks on - it's a dilemma, do you take off your socks if you are wearing no trousers so you look more sensible or keep them on because your feet are irrelevant to the situation?).
"Ok, we'll take a look at it and mark it up."
John measured the frenum and marked up, all the while asking what I'd been up to, chatting about Pan's Labyrinth and The Orphanage and various other normal things. He went about cleaning, marking, washing hands, changing gloves and chatting away.
Suddenly he asked me to take a deep breath in and exhale. I felt a pinch and nothing more, looked down and saw the needle running through a bit of my penis. Remembering from the nipple piercing that the insertion of the jewellry was worse, I lay back and concentrated on the ceiling tiles. Wondering when he'd get the bar through, I looked down again and saw it sitting there already. I hadn't felt a thing.
Since then I have had no pain or discomfort, no bleeding and can hardly feel it is there. This is probably down in part to John's freehand approach and experience. He makes it a very easy experience. He had advised a salt bath - not a tub, just a cup, once or twice a day. So after a shower I will stand for a few minutes with a cup of hot salty water and place my penis in it, as one does.
The nipple piercing hurt, yes, but the frenum is about as pain-free and as untraumatic as getting your haircut.