I want to start out with an explanation of my interest in body modification. Although I think that any reason is a good reason for a piercing, I would like to discuss my personal motivations. As a child I was sexually abused and then later on I was teased mercilessly at school for years(unrelated). These events changed me at a core level, and certainly affected me both psychologically and physiologically. In my late teens I began to suffer from depression and suicidal tendencies. I just never felt good about myself; I essentially hated myself both body and soul. I spent a lot of time trying to be what other people thought I should be and struggling with my inner demons.
At A Glance Author Attinoss Contact Attinoss@bme.anon IAM Attinoss When A year ago Artist Keeley and Toni Studio Eye of the Needle Location Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada I stumbled upon body modification quite by accident; my cousin offered to pay for a navel piercing as a Christmas gift in 2001. I saw no reason not to, since it was free and went ahead with it. Little did I know how wonderful that gift would be for me. I soon discovered that the process of piercing improved my life in many ways. Somehow it seemed to alleviate my feelings of intense depression and at the same time it planted a seed in me that would soon bloom to reveal a beauty that I had never before imagined.
Suddenly I realized that I could use body modification as way to take control of my life. I would lay in bed at night and think about the piercing that most terrified me, in terms of the imagined pain. Then I would promptly go out and get that piercing to prove to myself that I could conquer my fears. In this small way, I regained a sense of power over my life and realized that there were many paths to chose from.
With each new modification, I shed myself of the body that was tortured, abused and ridiculed. I changed my body to make it my own and suddenly I started to feel beautiful for the first time. Before too long I had accumulated many modifications both physically and mentally. Finally I realized that I had to be beautiful in my own way, and that no one else could tell me what I should be.
One affect of sexual abuse that haunted me in my marriage was how I felt about my breasts; I just hated to have them touched. I knew that I had to do something about this and that perhaps my new friend piercing could help. I decided to have my nipples pierced; in this way I would be conquering my fear of the pain as well as modifying my nipples to make them my own again.
I scheduled an appointment and arrived for it with much trepidation. The butterflies in my stomach were unsettling, but I knew that there was no way I was leaving the shop without my nipples pierced. That day, both of the shop's piercers were available, so I decided to ask if my nipples could be pierced simultaneously, one by each piercer. I knew Keeley and Toni well from previous experiences, and felt very comfortable taking this step with them as my guides.
Each piercer took charge of one nipple, and did the cleaning, marking and clamping for it. Then I lay down and we agreed that they would count to three and pierce my nipples. I always hate this countdown, the anticipation of pain is certainly the worst part of a piercing for me. I felt a sharp pinch in each nipple, but the pain was felt as one pain rather than two separate feelings. The jewelry was inserted, I was cleaned off and allowed to stand up and have my first look.
It's difficult to describe how my feelings about my breasts changed that day. I saw them and they were beautiful; now they were no longer the same breasts that were used and disrespected. I had reclaimed my body once more.
During the healing phase I couldn't get enough of my husband touching and loving my 'new' breasts. For the first time I felt true joy as he touched, caressed and suckled them. I became intensely orgasmic. They healed quite quickly and I continued to enjoy them every day.
I can't say that all of my demons are behind me and that I never struggle to stay sane. I can say that I have a new weapon against my past and a new outlook on myself. This gives me just a slight edge in my battle to reclaim myself, but it is enough to allow for victory.
I certainly can't recommend the path that I took, not because it wasn't wonderful. However, I think that each person needs to make the decision for themselves how they feel comfortable dealing with their own issues and how they feel about body modification in general.