Hey Everyone,
At A Glance Author Switch Contact switch_3@hotmail.com Artist Julie Studio Cactus Tattoos & Body Piercing Location Mankato. MN Following every piercing experience, I log onto BME and post. It is truly one on my "safe haven" sites on the Net and is an invaluable resource both to myself-and for all of us. I mean, if BME weren't alive, there are more people than you know about who rely on this site for deeper reasons who would be lost. Shannon Lariat, you rock.
At any rate, about two weeks ago, I took out my lovely nipple piercings. Part of the reason was because my left nipple remained irritated despite thoughtful aftercare procedures and proper jewelry insertion. It just wasn't faring well as compared to my right nipple.
It was my during this internal struggle when I learned the significance that jewelry removal can bring, and the experience can be just as poignant as when the piercings first became one with the rest of you-and the experience can be even twice as meaningful.
To give some personal background on my piercings, I elected to have them done at a very tumultuous time in my life. I was in the process of moving the rest of my belongings from my (rented) house which ended up being sold out from under me, leaving me 2 weeks to find a place to live. I was in a relationship with a man I loved but who wasn't the one for me. he was emotionally and verbally abusive.
At this time, I was feeling the urge to get nipple piercings. In retrospect, I see that it was my unconscious self needing some kind of physical manifestation to latch on to the pain I carried within myself and make it more substantially real. It was that very last day (May 2000) after we moved the rest of our things that I went and got my nipples pierced. I was in an odd frame of mind-frustrated, angry, feeling rushed-my entire attitude and demeanor that day was appropriately complex for the mod I was about to add to the canvas of myself.
The actual piercing experience I won't document again as I already have for BME readers. It is now only half of the story.
I ended up breaking up with the guy I was with, graduated from university, and found a deep and loving relationship with another man-all before the end of last year. With this man I have been able to address a lot of the pain and the anger that I have been carrying inside for so long. He is a older man who doesn't have any mods but is highly educated and is extremely open minded to them and to their cultural relevance (aside from being Buddhist :-)
Sorry it takes me forever to say all this, but it all leads up to the night when we were sitting on the sofa together. I wore 14 kt. 14 ga curved barbells and, as I said previously, the left one has a tendency to hurt. I had been noticing that the more I was speaking about my abuse and "debriefing" about the last 4 years I spent hiding myself in an unhealthy relationship, the more that left nipple hurt me.
I had mentioned the fact that my nipple was hurting again to my new friend (who was becoming very familiar with the increasing sensitivity) as we were conversing, and said to him outright, "I have to take these out." Now I have never taken out any of my piercings and thought this was strange that all of a sudden I would be so adamant about removing ANY piercings without much thought to it first.
I stood up, as if possessed, and felt this strange calmness that made me realize that my piercings had performed their function and now it was time to take them out.
I went to the bathroom. My hands shook and my head felt light. A strange elation filled my heart. I told my friend that I wasn't sure why I had to remove my piercings, but knew that once I did, I would start feeling better in ways I could not even begin to describe. So, I removed my jewelry.
During the removal I felt as if a big dark cloud had lifted from my shoulders. I finally realized that my need to have these piercings was borne out of my unconscious desire to cling to my humanity, to inflict pain upon myself so I would not do so to anyone else. I saw that I kept this pain locked up inside, and that my piercings, both in their installation and later removal, provided a ritual was needed to release the pain so healing could finally take place.
'Temet Nosce,' in Latin, translates in English to "Know Thyself." Body modification has helped me do just that.