Hello, I've posted here before. But this is almost a new experience. Well, almost being the key word. I've been pierced before, but never something so simple. Maybe I should explain?
At A Glance Author Heather Contact Heather@bme.anon When A week ago Artist Holli Studio Dermagraffiti Location Scottdale, Pennsylvania For some reason I'm a person who connects plain with pleasure maybe too often. Most people would just consider me a cutter though. My life seems to be an emotional roller coaster right now. So it only seemed logical to get a new piercing, right?
The last time I got any needles stuck through my skin was in May. Obviously I have cut since then, but maybe it would have been worse that day? I'm not really sure. There's something in my arrogance that maybe prevents me from thinking right anymore. But sure, I was feeling down that day. I might have cut later that night, but I didn't.
I feel as though everyone learns at least one thing when they get any type of modification. Whatever they learn, it is still an experience in itself. This time I think I've caught a glimpse of what I learned. Piercings aren't about pleasing others. I think that message finally hammered its way into my thick skull. I'm sick of getting something because it's so 'rare.'
To be truthful, no piercing you get will probably be 'rare.' In a sense of identification you may think it makes you stand out. But no, you're wrong I suppose. Finally I believe I get these needles pushed through skin, and go through this pain for the pleasure I get. Pain is a part, but you also have that jewelry.
No I believe I've come to accept piercings to me are something I get because I want to. They make me feel better for the time being. I get a rush out of that pain. Knowing someone else is inflicting pain upon my body even gives me a little thrill. Oddly enough, I've come to love a lot of aspects in getting a piercing.
But now I still think, they're just accessories. They come with the packaged deal of being a living being. I know my thinking tends to sway or change topic immediately, but I feel better getting that out. I'd now like to actually go onto my experience.
It was July 28, 2004. Maybe you can call this an early birthday present? I'll be fourteen on August 7th. July 20th had made a year of having my nose pierced. To be honest I was quite sick of that piercing. My first body modification was the one I was ready to let go of. I obviously restrict my options with my age right now. So I was getting one piercing taken out, and getting another. An exchange of sorts to most.
Over the months my piercer and I have come to an understanding of each other. I feel most comfortable with her now. That day was no exception.
My cousin and her son were over for reasons I'll spare you from. Her son has a bad case of ADHD, but he was tagging along so my cousin could be alone. I originally had plans of just getting some new jewelry, but on the way up I asked about the piercing. My mother had already talked it over with my father, and they both agreed it would be okay for me to have done. So my mother really had no objections, I was getting pierced that day.
Getting near the shop we turned left and parked. I fed the meter and we walked along the sidewalk into the studio. It feels like a house you used to live in. Comfortable if only described in one word. Holli asked what I needed today and I explained the situation at hand, hoping she would trust me with my body's healing process. I think she was okay with it, because the next thing she did was take out her displays of barbells and rings.
She let me know I could not get a straight barbell for my jewelry, as it would not be good for a freshly pierced eyebrow. I didn't mind, that jewelry was way too flashy anyhow. I decided on an all black 16g curved titanium barbell.
Taking the barbell I had chose out of the display, she walked from behind the counter to her piercing room. Here is of course where being nervous should set in. But I just seemed to be in a trance and followed her like a lost stray. It felt too good to be back there to really care how much she could mutilate or hurt my body.
She had me sit in her flamed dentist-like chair. With a soft plop I was seated while she pulled on her gloves. I seem to always notice the funniest things about any intense situation. This time it was Holli's breathing, But then a phone rang. Holli picked up the phone and answered the person on the other line. This occurrence repeated itself two more times. On the third time she just didn't pick up the phone.
After that she mentioned about me being saved by the phone or something. We seem to make small jokes like that when I'm there. I love her attitude, she seems to know the slightest things she can say to make you happy. Fixing her gloves and making sure she had all of her supplies, she came closer in her chair with clamps at hand.
Many people are split in their reactions to clamps. It's either they hurt or they didn't. With piercings before I must say I haven't really been bothered by their presence. They were just a slight annoyance in most cases. But hey, this was a new thing for me. A new piece of skin in a new area was being pinched and made ready.
Basically, the clamps hurt this time! I'm not sure if Holli asked me if I was okay. I was okay through the whole thing, but that was pretty painful. I asked her to let me know before she pushed the needle through. She put it up to the top of my eyebrow, and asked me if I was ready. This time she didn't go with the whole counting method. I replied, "Yea,.. I guess so."
The next thing I saw was a needle hanging out of my flesh with a cork on it. Amazed could describe this new experience. I've never had such a piercing that didn't even really pinch. I guess that's because of the clamps. But it made me also realize something, those coping skills work. Not always does pain solve the urge to self-mutilate one's body. I guess all those hospital stays payed off. I can understand now, that these silly coping skills help.
I knew I wouldn't cut that night. Instead I talked with a newly found friend and knew I'd be okay. Just typing this seems to clarify the fact that I don't need and self-inflicted pain to be happy, or to be anything else.
Over the past couple years I've grown so much as a person. I've realized good and bad things about who I am. I know I can't change myself so everyone will accept me, but I'm getting close at working on the things I'd like to change for myself.
I'd just like to end this on a happy note. I know just about anyone who reads this have a collection of remarks and things that people say to them, right? Well, lately I had been going to summer school. It took place on what the school considers a break.
Some girl in my course comes up to me an puts a pretzel on my head. Being my height and how short she is, she had to stand on her toes. Well, the pretzel falls. That seemed to ring through the noise and break her into full battle conversation with me.
I try to educate less-fortunate people about piercings, she was no exception. She and her group of friends could not seems to grasp my concept of them at the time.
Near the end of our conversation she was asking me about my own piercings. She came to the question of why, at my age, did I have so many piercings. Before I could even answer a second question came forward, "Are your parents gothic? They must be. Your parents are gothic, aren't they?" After that I just went silent.
You have to be pretty stupid to ask a question like that. And to add to it, she then asked me why I cut my wrist. I wanted to laugh, but couldn't. I tried explaining to her that my wristband was actually covering my wrist. But I made no progress in that. She concluded that my forearm scattered with scars was undoubtedly my wrist!
Yes I may cut on my wrist, but if you can't see it, why assume?
Thanks to anyone who is reading this. I hope I spelled everything right and got my thoughts out clear enough. Maybe some of you don't agree with what I say. It's happened before. I thank those who state that respectfully though.
Good luck to all of those out there in the body modification community.
Just incase this might be needed,..
I'd like to warn you all that self-harming is dangerous! ..yea. okay.