At A Glance
Author	Stephen DeToma
Contact	Stephen DeToma@bme.anon
IAM	Sacred
When	It just happened
Artist	Self Done
Studio	In My Shower
Location	Down the hall from the Bedroom

I left work early yesterday.

That morning I woke up at around 9a and headed for the shower. Once arriving in the bathroom and disrobing, I realized it was August 1st. Whether or not this realization had anything to do with what I would then do, I don't know; but for some reason I left the hot water running and headed back to the bedroom to retrieve a 0g steel pincer. I had been slowly stretching my septum over several months with a goal of 0g in mind. As I stepped into the shower I was wearing a 1g Pyrex tunnel and in my mind, hell, how hard would it be to go from 1g to a 0g?

I soaked my nose with hot water to loosen the junk inside my nostrils a bit and slipped the tunnel out. I then proceeded to slide the pincer in and almost immediately realized this would be harder than I though. I gathered my courage and began to push. Slowly, ever so slowly, I could feel the hole begin to give and before I knew it, the tell tale finish where the jewelry slid into place. Eyes watering, I soaked my nose in the hot water again.

Fast forward an hour in time; I had driven to work with snot pouring out of my nose. I had tissues stuck up inside like tampons. After completing the hour drive to the shop, I was struck with the most intense swelling and pain I have ever had. My eyes were swollen half shut. My nose was constantly running. I was sweating and tears were perpetually in my eyes. It was some of the worst pain I have ever dealt with.

Including punching.

Including cutting.

Including hanging.

When someone would ask me a question, I had to stop and actually focus to be able to answer them. Thank goodness no one came in for a piercing. I had to explain to every customer (which, blessedly, it was early enough to be slow) that I had just stretched my nose and no, I do not have rabies. I sent my co-worker, Tyler, a rather cynical text message that read: "I'm done with piercings. I quit. I want out." It hurt that bad.

I decided I couldn't' do it. I didn't feel comfortable having people look at me, let alone standing over someone with a needle. I called Sque3z and asked where he was. I informed him that the second he got in, I was pulling the rip cord. When I told him why, the giggles started.

I was hiding in the back room when Sque3z arrived. At this point, I was sweating, had tears streaming down my face and had reverted to the nose tampon as a method of keeping snot from running into my beard. He took one look at me and burst out laughing. Who could blame him? I was a fucking mess.

I had surmised that a good deal of the problem, other than the fact that my septum never has liked to be stretched, was that the steel pincer was simply too damn heavy to wear in such a delicate state. I grabbed a 0g Pyrex retainer before I made my exit. As I was leaving, 2 clients were wishing me well and hoping I got better soon; Laughing, Sque3z told them not to waste their time, I had done it to myself. Really, I had no argument. This was fucking ruining my day.

I drove home in the most blinding 60 minutes of pain. Headache, swelling of the nose, upper lip, gums and even though I know it to be medically impossible, I swear to Christ, my fucking teeth were swollen. I arrived home and immediately got in the shower and soaked my face in hot water. After I could feel the pincer loosening up a bit, I made a ninja-like swap from the steel pincer to the glass retainer.

I almost hit my knees in the bathtub.

This could be listed as "Stupid Fucking Idea #2". Even with the weight of the pincer gone, the pain remained. I endured 10 more minutes of water, swearing and spitting; my nose running snot, tears in my eyes. Asking out loud, to no one in particular, to make this stop. Wracking my brain, thinking of anything I could do to make it stop.

I got out of the shower and ate a handful of Advil. Heather had to run out to do errands which left me propped up on the bed in the dark bedroom. The next few hours were spent nodding off in front of the TV, eating pizza with Heather and then falling asleep at 10p.

I woke up the next morning at 7a with a pinching sensation. There was plenty of crap that had collected on either side of the jewelry and it was being pulled into the hole on either side anytime I made any expression with my face. Smiling, laughing even eating resulted in a stinging pain Id rather not deal with.

Two days out, the majority of the pain has subsided and I'm still wearing glass. All signs point to things coming up roses in a few days, and just to make sure I don't do something stupid in the future, I've penned this confession/sworn statement, which you have now participated in, swearing to any deity that will listen that I will never, ever stretch my fucking septum again.