"The present life of a man on earth seems [...] like the swift flight of a single sparrow through the banqueting-hall [...] on a winter's day ... After a few moments of comfort, he vanishes from sight into the wintry world from which he came".
At A Glance Author Ania Contact Ania@bme.anon IAM deadly pale When A week ago Artist Jacek Studio tattoo.pl Location Poznan, Poland That is what our lives seem to be - they pass by so quickly and nothing is really constant. The only thing we really have is our bodies - they are like our anchors to reality. They change and pass too but they are the only thing we really possess. We can seize important moments of our lives by means of photographs, sweet souvenirs from our earthly trips but they fade and pass as well. Nothing is constant and everything changes. Our bodies are the anchor but they are also a process - we change but some things can stay with us as long as we are here.
This transience always haunted me and I remember my very first reasons to pierce myself - it was a wonderfully mild way of self-destructing and changing parts of my body for ever. I felt exactly the same when I have received my first tattoo. Body modification is for me, at least sometimes, a way to change something about me for ever - to go to the point where there is no way back. "They", whoever they are, can take you everything you possess but they cannot take your body, can they? You are the body and the body is you - as long as you exist.
All my retired piercings are open and ready to use - unable to keep them filled with metal, I chose to keep them empty. And I started my own guerilla warfare - now I must hide to keep. My tongue, my eyebrow (every single day in and out of my body) and my septum - all these empty and these still filled with metal piercings, scars and tattoos are my way to stop the time and, at the same time, to watch my own progress. The constance and the progress thus became one!
Four weeks ago I chose to pierce my septum - it was painful and unusual but it was also great. It could be forever - this tiny trace after the piercing if I ever decided to take it out and let it close. But I wanted something more, something really permanent - I wanted to remove a piece of cartilage to let my pierced septum thrive as long as I live. It can cover with skin but this empty space still will be there - I will know that. I decided to dermal punch my septum!
A few days after the initial piercing (14 ga, septum retainer in) I decided to call my new piercer and ask him about dermal punching. He did not do that ever before and was not really sure about that but gave me some hope and asked to call him in two weeks. Meanwhile I bought two dermal punches from BME shop - 3,5 mm and 4 mm. The first one was supposed to be used for my septum; as for the second, bigger one, I was planning to let Jacek, my new piercer, try it on my ear to get some idea how dermal punch works and how to use it on my nose. My tools arrived soon and I set the appointment - four weeks after my initial septum piercing.
It was a cloudy, gloomy day. I could not sleep the night before but I was not nervous at all. I got to the studio on time, 1.30 pm. Both owners remembered me from my first time there and I again chatted with one of them about BME. After a few minutes Jacek took me to his room to start our experiments with dermal punches.
After slight upgrading of my tongue we were ready to start. I handed him my dermal punches and we started discussing what I wanted. There was no jewelry which I would like, so I decided to just remove cartilage and put jewelry in at some other time. Maybe not really smart for some people but I did not want to be dermal punched to show new barbells off - all I wanted was to remove a part of my body to change it permanently.
My ear was first. Approximately a year ago I punched my right ear and removed 1,5 mm of my cartilage, so I shared my scarce experience with Jacek. I told him what moves I found useful in operating a punch and what bleeding looked like. I also suggested to cover my arm with some paper towels to prevent staining my shirt with blood. He listened, he really did, and added some of his knowledge. After these preparations I sat on his medical bed and was ready. It was easier for him to punch my right ear, so the right ear it was. He marked it, I approved and clenched my hands. It was his first time ever and my second one - enthusiastic newbies ready to go.
He put the bigger punch to my ear and I felt sharp spasms of pain - the punch entered my cartilage (right ear, upper corner) and I entered my own realm of pain - this place is only for you because no one else can know how you feel there. I tried to visualize myself standing outside of my body and tried (as I always do) to analyze the pain I feel. It was sharp and sudden; I clenched my hands and teeth - I did not want to scream, I wanted to be brave and receive this new piece of permanency with dignity. Pain died quickly and I did not let out any sound. I did not hear this infamous "pop" sound. Right after that my ear started bleeding and Jacek tried to stop it. But there was not any awkward silence or lame comfort words like "Don't worry; everything will be fine". It was not time for that; it was time to discuss out first experiment, our prelude which was supposed to lead us to dermal punch my septum. Jacek got ecstatic about sharpness and efficiency of this, new to him, tool and - with voice heavy with enthusiasm and excitement - he was telling me how unbelievably sharp this punch was, how quick it all went, and how great my ear cartilage looks now and then when it emerges from under still flowing blood. And I felt excited as well because I heard Jacek analyzing these new to him things and procedures - what pressure to put on cartilage, how to handle the punch to be quick and save from additional pain. I heard him learning quickly.
Bleeding stopped after a few minutes and I was able to go to the mirror to see my changed ear. It did look amazing - this "see-through" effect was breathtaking and I felt in love with it immediately. My ear was supposed to be only an experiment, a prelude for my septum, I was not going to keep it but it that moment, while standing in front of the mirror, I knew I will keep it. I knew I want to have this "see-through" effect for ever.
Our preparations were done - now Jacek knew how dermal punch works and had some idea about its effects. It was time to change my septum permanently. He had me lie on the table and chatted with me about music I like (he is an amazing chatter - music, mods, attitudes toward mods, tattoo studios in Poland and Germany, whatever - you just talk to him and forget about painful things to come). I looked at the window and saw this wonderful grey wall of rain against dark walls of the buildings. Sharp lights on the ceiling and feeling this weird sensation I always feel when something is going to happen. I was in the middle of the sentence when I saw his face above mine - his focused eyes and gloved hand holding the punch. And then I wanted to say "Hey, gimme a sec. Just to pull myself together, to be ready for things to come. Just a sec!". Time seemed to flow slower and I thought I have plenty of time to stop his hand. And suddenly I felt the burning wave of shame - there is no way back, there are no seconds to pull myself together, no feeling of being ashamed of stopping his hand or changing my decision.
I did not say anything and right after that I entered my private realm of pain again. And the punch entered my septum. Again the same - sudden, sharp pain but no particular pressure as it was the case with my previous septum piercing with canula needle. My eyes started watering and pain went away. I felt warm touch of blood on my face and knew it was over - I changed the way my body looks; by removing a tiny part of it, paradoxically, I added something.
I did not feel pain anymore. From a piercer and a piercee, Jacek and I changed into mad scientists focused on the experiment which just took place. We started analyzing this experience and my previous one, comparing pain factor, sensations I felt then and now, drawing first conclusions. We were united in our goal - I was the mind and he was my tool but also he was the mind and I was the tool. Both of us got what we wanted. We were creators and monsters at the same time. It was symbiotic but also selfish.
This was a mystical part of it. This practical one was longer bleeding and using two rolls of paper towels to get rid of blood. There was no pain in my septum after that and the place after removed piece of cartilage looked amazing.
I did not put my jewelry into it as I did not want to cause new bleeding. But it was not necessary. Once again, it was not what I was after. I changed my body in permanent way and I was satisfied.
I left the studio with adrenaline still running through my veins. It was raining again and I covered my head (and ear!) with the hood of my shirt. I felt powerful and ecstatic.
It was seven days ago and both my ear and my septum are doing great. I put the retainer (still 14ga) the same evening - I missed the feeling of it. There was slight bleeding this night but nothing really serious. Since then my septum bled one more time but it definitely looks good. The circle after removed cartilage is still visible and there is plenty of space for my future, bigger retainer. As for my ear, the hole shrank to 3mm in diameter but I love the way it looks anyway. I clean both piercings with Rywanol, nice cleaning solution, much milder than hydrogene peroxide and my skin is not dry or painful. I do it three-four times a day and already started playing with them to prepare them for inserting bigger jewelry. It doesn't seem to be too early for playing with them as they are not painful, do not bleed and seem to heal really fast.
I achieved my goal and change my septum in a permanent way - after dermal punching it will never be exactly the same as it was before the procedure. It may cover with skin at some point of my future life but it will still be there. Whenever I think of it, I will go back to this wonderful, mystical and symbiotic experience with my new piercer. We were not just two people doing business - he was not my piercer then and I was not his piercee. We were partners in crime, strangers discovering new territories, mad scientists focusing not on my potential sufferings but things which can be useful for the future. Time stopped and flowed simultaneously. I was his mind and hands just as he was mine. I removed to add. I was, and still I am, the constancy and the change. I have changed my body to keep it this way for ever.