I had had my septum pierced back when I was eighteen years of age. I let it hang out until I hit nineteen, and then for some reason, kept it an additional year, hidden away up inside my nose. Pointless, I know. So finally, after much prodding from my girlfriend, I removed it and let the hole close up.
At A Glance Author anonymous Contact anonymous@bme.anon When A week ago Artist Chad Fleming Now, for the last two or three months, I had been getting this strange desire to repierce the little bastard. My nose just felt empty without it. Finally, the wanting became too much for me, and it was off to a friend, who just happens to be doing piercing now. Eager to coerce a free hole out of him, I headed to his apartment in the early afternoon. When I arrived, he was asleep, and none too pleased to be woken up. After buttering him up with breakfast, I managed to convince him that he would be the greatest guy in the world if he would just do me the honor of piercing me. For free, of course. He agreed.
Down in the chair I sat, ready for anything. This was all old hat for me, being the piercing veteran I am. No worries at all. No worries, that is, until he informed me that he had no 16 gauge needles. I smiled, and told him a 14 would do. Well, it turned out he was all out of 14s as well. The smallest he had was a 10 gauge, and if I wanted the piercing, I was going to have to take what I could get. Sweating slightly, I shrugged, pretending I didn't care. On the outside, I was the terminator, impervious to fear or pain. On the inside however, I was trembling in horror.
Chad prepped the needle, washed his hands, and before I knew it, it was time. Alright, this was it. The moment of truth. I was a man, I could handle it. He brought the needle up to my nose and then marked the spot on my septum which he planned to skewer with the harpoon in his hand. He was Captain Ahab, and I...well, I was a very frightened Moby Dick. I braced myself as he came on. Then, it happened. The phone rang. I was saved by the bell, at least for a moment. Chad took the call in the other room, leaving me to sit and soak in my terror. My stomach felt queasy. My head was spinning. I felt like the biggest wimp ever to sit in a piercers chair. I started to wonder how all of those friends of mine who had done crazy things like suspensions could handle such things. I would certainly faint at the mere sight of a meat hook, bound for my flesh. No thank you.
Twenty minutes passed, and Chad returned. He asked if I was ready to go, and, as calmly as possible, I nodded. He went to the sink, washed up again, and then he was upon me, spear in hand. I closed my eyes and counted backwards from ten. At seven, I felt the point touch my flesh. At five, I felt it begin is journey through my nose. At three, well, at three, I was left stranded in the chair, a gigantic needle sticking halfway out of me, listening to my so called friend tell me that he needed to start over, because when I squinted up my eyes, the needle went in at the wrong angle. Oh, this was perfect.
He removed the needle and I wiped my eyes, which at this point were watering like a sprinkler system. I took a few deep breaths and prepared for round two. This time, I wasn't given anywhere near as much time to prep myself. Already, he had the needle poised to pierce. And then, he was in, pushing his way through. Ladies and Gents, this was, without a doubt, the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. Worse than the time I stepped on a nail as a child, and the rusty little spike went all the way through my foot and out the top. I nearly fainted. My head was reeling as he pushed the needle, then the ring, all the way through.
Finally, it was over. I sat there, head back, for what felt like forever, trying to regain my composure. Chad clapped me on the back, and told me I had been a very brave little boy. I was in pain, but I was also pleased with the outcome. It saved me the trouble I would have had going back to have it stretched a few months from then.
Needless to say, my girlfriend was not pleased. In fact, she was so mortified by the sight of such a large hunk of steel in my face, than she broke up with me on the spot. Well, these things happen.