At A Glance
Author	Adie
Contact	orangeflickergrin@minorthreat.com
When	A week ago
Artist	Chris
Studio	Absolute Body Piercing
Location	Normal, IL

Author's note: I lied. It wasn't really a week ago; four days is more accurate.

I had just turned 18 on May 7th, and had fully intended on going in and getting a new orifice poked into my body. Or rather, through my body. And on this very special day, I was also supposed to give blood. I figured, 'What the hell? Twice the pain in one day? No sweat!'

But I had a cold. A HEAD cold. And so I didn't feel like snotting all over and partaking in the futility of blowing my nose with a fresh piercing. So I put it off until last Saturday (which was May 17th) when I was feeling much better, and I figured I'd just apologize to the piercer if I got any snot on him.

I had been wanting this piercing for two months or so, researching it in a nearly obsessive manner and asking around about the pain and care factors. I had discussed the matter with an intern at Absolute Body Piercing, because he himself had gotten the piercing done. To say the least, the analogy that he had used was something to the extent of, "It hurt worse than being kicked in the face by a biker." I assumed that he knew what that felt like, and he went on to talk about how he basically wept like a little bitch after he got it done.

VERY encouraging.

The next person I talked to was a friend who works in the tattoo parlor, Reigning Color, down the street from Absolute. He told me the tale of a friend of his who had just gotten his nose broken in a mosh pit, and he (the friend of this friend) said that getting his nose broken still hurt less than getting his septum done.

But dammit, I'm stubborn. You see, I am a relative 'virgin' when it comes to body modification; the only things that I have had done before this piercing were my ears, done when I was ten, with a piercing gun. So naturally I'm absolutely terrified, and so I say to this tattoo friend, "Well, maybe it will hurt less since I don't have any pain to compare it to." He shook his head sadly and I left the store feeling even more discouraged than when I had come.

But I loved the piercing, for its aesthetic qualities as well as a dorkier underlying reason: I'm a Taurus in every sense, and I wanted to do something as a sort of hats off to my sign. Not only this, but because I was told how much it would hurt, I was only further compelled to prove that I could go through with it. I'm no pussy. (I'm such a stubborn Taurus.)

So with my best friend and cousin, Sarah, by my side, and with images of pain in my head (and the accounts here on BME didn't prove to be so sunny, either), I headed to Absolute, after making an appointment for 6 o'clock with the owner, Chris. He himself was a nice guy over the phone, explaining all what the procedure would consist of, and he assured me that he had been doing these piercings for 12 years. That relieved me somewhat.

I walked in and shook hands with Chris, trying to keep my mind off of what was about to occur. He led me to a room with a picture of Eminem on the ceiling ("So the girls don't think about the pain") and a big-breasted bimbo on the wall ("I don't like it myself," he says,"it's Joe's.") Joe turned out to be the guy with the septum piercing who had reccounted his horrific tale.

So Joe and another intern (with long hair and DAMN was he good-looking!) came and sat in the room with Sarah, Chris, and I so they could watch. Sarah snapped pictures of the reluctant look on my face and I talked with Chris as he prepared everything (all the while talking about how he put holes in 'certain' places while his wife was pregnant because he "was bored and it wasn't like [he] was getting any, anyway.") I looked at the 'vampire' tongue piercings on the long-haired intern and goggled at the pictures of genital and breast piercings on the inside of a cabinet.

Chris measured the size of the retainer I brought in (as Absolute doesn't sell them themselves, for some reason) and I had thought it was a 14 guage, but turned out to be more of a 13. Chris discussed the septum clamps he was going to use, and how they either hurt a lot or a little, and that it was only supposed to be a little. He stuck them into my nose (after dabbing the insides of my nose with some wretched, medicinal-smelling ointment) and said, "How does that feel?"

I said, "What? This?"

"Yeah."

"It doesn't hurt AT ALL."

"Oh. Well, that's a good sign."

And he proceeded with the needle.

I nearly broke Sarah's hand, I was so nervous, and I closed my eyes. I felt a bit of pressure as the needle started to go through, and I heard Chris say, "Okay, the worst part is over." A few seconds later, I opened my eyes to see a rather large needle sticking out from both ends. I felt like a cave woman.

Sarah was staring at me wide-eyed and I wiped away tears (not of pain, but of the body's natural reaction to the nose being poked at), and I said, "That's IT?!" Chris laughed and told me to sit still. He put my steel retainer in, and all I felt was a little sting.

And it was over.

I was pleasantly surprised, to say the least, and I heard the Joe guy mutter, "Geez, I must look like a PUSSY compared to her!"

I felt like a real hard-ass.

I checked out my new orifice in a little hand mirror, and I noticed that the piercing looked crooked. I brought this to Chris' attention, and he just explained to me that it was because I had a deviated septum, and the septum clamps allow the piercing to go wherever the natural piercing area would go. Mine just happened to be deviated. He assured me that it wouldn't even be noticeable once I got a ring into it, and it can't even be seen (the crookedness, that is) unless a person is looking up my nose.

So this retainer is wonderful, as it totally hides my piercing when I'm at work, and it's fun to show to people how it 'disappears', who are amazed by the concept. I've gotten interesting comments so far, mainly that the silver hanging from my nose looks like "little metal boogers"; my parents hate it.

As with my ears and other cuts and whatnot, I have never had trouble with things healing. It's been four days and I clean it twice everyday with a bactine solution, and it hasn't even gotten crusty, as I've heard it sometimes does. The thing is...I haven't felt any pain! Only once the first day did I get a momentary stinging sensation (after the piercing), and since then, I can flip the retainer up and down and move it easily while cleaning, and it never hurts!

So for all of you others who thought it was painful: Wimps!

Hahahaha...erm. I fully encourage you all to go get your septum done. It's cute as hell...especially on us bulls.