Last year I lost my best friend to suicide. I was fifteen at the time and had great difficulty dealing with this. I remember the feeling that the world was inside out, and I was just barely trying to hold on and stop myself from being torn up and out of my place in reality. The pain was something unknown, something unreal, and something that could eat you alive while you sat there clinging to your sanity.
At A Glance Author desensitized Contact desensitized@bme.anon When N/A Artist JD Studio King Of Rings Location Bendigo, Australia This boy, this amazing boy, was the one who had saved me. The one who had kept ME going through the hard times, the one who had showed me the truth to this world, and had set me upon my path to enlightenment. He was beautiful, beyond any form of comprehension. And he'd gone and shot himself.
For a seemingly endless amount of time I stayed like this. In a state of oblivion, without a single independent thought other than the intense pain I was feeling. I think for a while there I hit the first 'bottom' of my life.
Finally I began to realize the damage being done. I was losing touch with reality, I was drifting away from life, and it was destroying me.
I needed to materialize this pain. Make something of it, something I could touch, see, feel, and eventually, heal. I painted; I wrote poetry and songs, I played my violin until my fingers were aching and fragile. At this point in time I created some of the most amazingly beautiful pieces of art and music I believe I will ever be capable of. And although it soothed my mind and created an outlet for these over intensified emotions, I needed something real and permanent and personal.
By then I'd been into piercing and scarification for a couple of years, but nothing overly extreme. A labret, a few nostril screws, eyebrow rings, etc.
My friend had always supported my love of modification; he too had been a fan, with his nipple rings, chest surface piercing, and tattoos of Salvador Dali's metamorphosis of narcissus, the hand and the kneeling figure, on each shoulder blade. However, he'd never been one for facial piercings or anything obviously visible. He thought that body modification was something too personal to be shared with the world, or at least the majority.
So I started thinking, about piercings and scars and how I could symbolize him somehow.
I didn't want something that would stand out, to catch the sun and attract stares from more of the ignorant masses. That wasn't his way. I wanted something secret, something for me, and for him. And a tongue web ring came to mind. As soon as it entered my mind, it stuck. It was right. It was perfect. It was so completely him.
For the next few days I fell into a state of peace, just from the knowledge alone of what I intended to do. And without thinking to make an appointment, I merely walked into King Of Rings one afternoon. I'm so glad JD gave me a piece of his time that day, and was willing to see me. I would usually despise such behavior, but I had my mind set and nothing else seemed to register.
I'll tell you the experience, as I'm here to do, but it wont be the usual story of clamps and needles and breathing...I don't remember it that way. It was amazing, a unique experience for me, nothing I've ever felt before.
I sat on the standard black leather bench, vaguely glancing around at the beautiful artwork spread across the walls. The bib, which would usually be considered embarrassing, or I suppose the drooling, never even touched my realm of thought. It was nothing, it didn't exist, and I couldn't feel it.
I swished the mouthwash, was sprayed with the numbing solution, and had my tongue dried with a tissue.
The needle was completely painless, but I knew it was happening. I felt a flood of warmth run the length of my body, and memories of our friendship together seemed to overwhelm me, flashing before me like the supposed life scenes before you die.
This was followed by the most depressing, lonely, grief filled moment of my existence. I was here, experiencing this, without him. But when JD showed me the mirror, that all went away. I peered into the glass, into my mouth, and there, in the shadows, was a tiny silver ring. It sat there, strange and foreign, comfortably hidden in the darkness. When I spoke you couldn't tell it was there. Only if you looked closely would you find it. Just like him. You had to delve pretty deep to realize who he was, who he had been. And I think I was the only person who ever really knew.
Sitting there, with tears coming down my face, not from pain, but from a quiet revelation, it seemed to feel as though I had a small piece of my friend forever embedded within me. It was amazing. How many times have I said amazing now? It's really the only word, other than my much loved 'beautiful' that could describe the feeling.
I left that store feeling as though I were finally able to breath, the healing process had begun. It took a long time, but when it hit...there is NO word to label that sensation.
This is merely my tale of recovery, guided along by the underestimated power of piercing. Your reasons for wanting this mod may, and most likely will be, very different. But that's not the point. If you are looking at a tongue web, then I say yes, go for it, do it now! Don't be afraid, of pain or discomfort or anything else, if you're lucky enough to have a suitable web, like I thankfully am, then I can't think of a single reason to hold back. It's something you will love, I guarantee.
By the way, a month or two ago, I went to change the ring to a small barbell. I discovered, that try as I might, I could not remove the ball. And you know what, on realizing this I stopped trying. There hasn't been a hint of migration, and I like to think that this ring is truly permanent, and that whether I one day want to remove it or not, doing so will be impossible. That he really is with me, a reminder of his being, forever.