It was the 31st of October 2003 and I was visiting friends' of mine, Lee and Sam, who decided that it would be a good idea to visit another friend of ours, Dave, who happens to be a tattooist.
At A Glance Author The Springfield Slasher Contact The Springfield Slasher@bme.anon When N/A Artist Me Studio A mates house Location Bournmouth We soon arrived and Dave had convinced Lee that it was as good time as any to continue with a tattoo that he had been doing on his leg. Lee agreed and without further ado Dave cracked on with it.
After Lee had pulled various faces and drank several cups of tea Dave finished. We then decided to sit down and watch various Jackass style home videos during which I was compared to Steve-o. Laughing out loud Dave suggested that I put my high pain threshold and lack of caring to good use.
On asking what he meant he said that I would look good with stretched earlobes. "I have an enlarging crescent." He said "I'll just pop upstairs and get it." And before I could even say "but I haven't even got my ears pierced." He was back there in front of me with it in his hand.
When I asked him what sort of size the crescent in his hand was he said it started at 1.6mm and finishes at 6mm. A little dubiously I agreed.
Thinking no more of it I, with Lee and Sam, went on to visit Gemma who is one of Sam's friends and whilst in the back of their car I pushed a gold piercing stud (the type with the butterfly backing) that Dave had also supplied me with through my left earlobe.
Not to long after we arrived at Gemma's house and after the usual greetings and the offer of a drink we sat down to converse. Seeing that The Exorcist was showing on Channel 4 a little later we all agreed that it would be a good idea to watch it, why not it was Halloween after all.
My earlobe had stopped throbbing and I began to wonder if I could get the tip of the enlarging crescent into the hole I had just created. I removed the stud (good old hairdressers) from my ear and placed the tip of the crescent against the hole. No joy it just didn't seem as if it was possible so soon after the initial hole had been created.
Then Lee said that he had Bepanthem, which he was using to aid the healing of his tattoo, in his pocket and that it may help as it would lubricate the lobe. Seeing it as something that could only help and not hinder the already seemingly bad idea I accepted his offer.
I smeared a little of the ointment on the tip of the crescent, placed it over the hole and pushed. Pop, it was in, and after a couple of seconds the heat and throbbing had stopped.
Whilst all this was going on The Exorcist had stated and the rest of the group were watching it. As it was Channel 4 it wasn't too long before an advert, and that annoying Stella Artois music came on. Lee turned to me laughing, as he knows how much that 5 second piece of music winds me up, and said "How's your ear?"
"Fine" I replied "I may do the full stretch tonight." Sam and Gemma looked at each other and then agreed that not only was I mental but I was also clearly having delusions of grandeur. On came the film, and yes that annoying music, and everyone shut up. Playing with the enlarging crescent and applying a little more Bepanthem to aid further lubrication I noticed that I could gradually move it through with no pain whatsoever.
I decided to combine my hatred for that fucking music with my passion for the obscure and push every time I heard it play. Meaning that over the next hour and a half I would hear it, twice in three minutes I might add, another six times with a gap of twenty minutes or so.
The film continued and everyone was engrossed but I was now only watching for the adverts cringing at the thought of the music. I pushed when they came on and three minutes later when the film resumed play I pushed again. This went relatively easily with only the greasiness of the Bepanthem causing any problems (very slippery stuff).
I can honestly say that stretching my ear from absolutely nothing to 6mm in just over two hours involved no pain whatsoever apart from the initial hole being created and that more of a pop followed by a little heat and throbbing really. Having no jewellery that was the correct size proved problematic as I had to swing the crescent up and over my ear so that the tip (1.6mm) was resting on the top of my ear. This was not a problem for too long as after the film had finished and everyone had continued to converse, mainly about how off my head everyone seems to think I am, we decided to make our way home. On the way through Lee and Sam dropped me off and Lee made a joke about how the next time he sees me I would have stretched the other ear as well.
Between leaving his car and opening my front door I decided to prove him right. I went into my kitchen, picked up a couple of straws and pair of scissors and began to cut them into 15mm length tubes. I then kept one piece as a complete cylinder and cut down one side of the rest so that they became sleeves to slide over the original until it became big enough to put in place of the crescent.
I placed the straw with its makeshift sleeves into my ear and removed the crescent and went to bed.
On waking the next day and inspecting my ear, and seeing that it was fine, I decided to do the right one following the exact same procedure. This took a lot longer, around six hours, and was slightly painful but no more than having your ear pierced with a gun(them good old hairdressers again!).
Over the next four months I would stretch my lobes to 20mm using the straw/sleeve method. I could slide an extra layer, if you like, in without having to remove the straw in my ear. This procedure I would recommend as not only is it easy but it is quick and fun (when I say fun I am referring to peoples reactions as they see this happen literally before their very eyes and the fact that I cycle a lot and depending on the length of the straws depends on the pitch made as wind whistles through them).