At A Glance
Contact	gothicphoenixx@hotmail.com
IAM	gothicphoenixx
When	Two years ago
Artist	Jimi
Studio	Studio 14
Location	Toledo

My boyfriend at the time, Dan, [IAM social irregular] and I, decided we should get piercings together that not everyone had. He said I should get my nipples, and though I planned to, he'd already had his, so I didn't think it counted. He suggested an industrial and I said that I didn't particularly like them straight, going right across the ear. It would have to curve, like around the outside of my ear. He said that was a great idea, and we decided that we've get custom industrials, with one hole near the top of the ear closest to the head, and another a little further down that followed the curves of our ears. We decided I'd get my left side, and Dan would get his right, so that if we were facing each other you could see both of them.

We went into our piercer at the time, Jimi, at Studio 14, and told him what we wanted. He said that it would be best to get CBRs, let the piercings heal, and then come back and have him bend a barbell accordingly. Otherwise, if he put the barbell in first, it would pull on it and make it harder to heal. I went first, and Jimi marked the upper and lower cartilage points on my ear. I wasn't quite sure it was where I wanted, but I trusted he'd know what he was doing. I don't know if we picked 14g or if Jimi suggested it, but that's what they were pierced at.

He did the top hole first, which was a sharp pain, but not as bad as my tragus and anti- tragus had been, even though the needle was bigger. The second hole was worse than the first, but again, not bad. I felt like someone had smacked my ear a bit hard for a couple minutes afterwards, though. I wasn't able to sleep on that ear for a couple weeks. Otherwise, they didn't give me much trouble, and healed fairly well.

About a month later, after a couple visits to Jimi to see if we could get the barbells put in, mine were ready. Dan's, however, were not. Dan told me to go ahead and get mine. I wasn't particularly inclined to, since the whole point had been to do them together, but he insisted, and Dan would get his on another day.

Jimi got out a barbell, and bent it to work with the entrance point, bent it around the shape of my ear, and then down to go through the exit. This one, he decided, was too small. It would pull on my piercings and generally irritate it. This disappointed me, because it was snug to my ear, the way I'd envisioned it. But if it wouldn't heal, what would be the point? So, he did another one (though he gave me the smaller one in case I decided to make use of it later), which was a little longer. This one had a gap (maybe a centimeter) between my ear and the bar. It looked a little off to me, but Dan insisted that it looked good. It ended up sort of growing on me, and with the exception of one incident, I was pretty glad that it was different. (Even then, I wasn't exactly not glad, just irritated.)

I was a little jealous when Dan got his barbell put in, about a month later, because his was closer to his ear, and had a longer curve to it. His holes were a bit further apart, likely because his ears are bigger, but I liked it better. Unfortunately, Dan's never properly healed, and he took it out a few months later. He doesn't generally take piercings as seriously as me, by which I just mean that I plan for them longer, and don't tend to take them out, whereas he gets and retires piercings like some people change nail polish, which is fine, for him. I was disappointed however, because it had been 'our thing'. He assured me he did plan to get it redone at some point, though it never happened.

Once I had the industrial, it was fine for the most part, but my ear would get irritated if I slept on it. I never found a comfortable way to. When my friend got married last year, I was a bridesmaid, and her mom didn't like the barbell, so I put in rings with beads to match the dress. I ended up leaving those in for almost a year. Then, a couple months ago, though Dan and I weren't together anymore, I decided I wanted to wear the barbell again. I put it in with some struggle (it is a pretty awkward bar, which is why I didn't switch it out more frequently) and had it in for a month or so without much incident.

When I got my conch pierced, the industrial again posed a problem. With the longer barbell on my conch, I could sleep on that side, but it wasn't all that comfortable (and it was unnatural, because in the time I'd had the barbell out, I'd gotten used to sleeping on that ear). I left the industrial in, but it felt irritated often, especially if I laid on it.

One night, a few weeks ago, I was at Dan's. For some reason, we were having a cuddly night, and he wanted me to lay facing him while he held me. So, I took the industrial barbell out and asked him not to let me forget it. Well, of course, I left it and he didn't remember either. When I was back at school, I put my rings in, but I couldn't get the little balls I had for it on.

I decided just to hope they'd stay, and this worked for a week or so. I had gone to his house once, and saw the barbell. Instead of picking it up, I thought I'd get it before I left. I didn't. He came to see me in Bowling Green, and I forgot to mention them. Perhaps this was subconscious, I'm not sure. A few days ago, between washing my hair and drying it, the rings fell out, and I've no idea where to.

The holes stayed there for about a week. I was going back to Toledo to get a prescription and spend some time with Dan for his birthday, and thought I'd try to see if I could get the barbell in. Before I left to go back to school on Sunday, I mentioned the barbell while we were stretching my lobes, and that I didn't think the barbell would fit back in anyway though maybe I'd try. Yet again, it slipped my mind to grab it.

I'm relatively sure it wouldn't fit now, even if I went to get it. And I'm not sure that I'd want it to. The relationship of which it was a product is, at least for now, disbanded. Even if we were to get back together, as the healing was such a pain, Dan said he wouldn't get that piercing again. And I never found a comfortable way to sleep with it, or liked it as much as I thought I would, since ideally I'd have wanted it hugging my ear, not hovering above it.

This is—not counting my original gunned lobes, or the ones done by Dan in a moment of boredom/stupidity by a sewing needle, though those I also liked for their own 'our thing' quality—the first piercing I've retired, certainly, my first planned out and meaningful one to retire. It's been out a few weeks, and I still have a dent in my ear where the top hole was, which you can see if you look close. If it doesn't, no matter, it's not like the relationship that was the point of the piercing didn't leave marks in its own ways. In any case, whether I get back with Dan or not, I know the barbell isn't going back in. The mark is there, but the industrial's time has passed.