I've been a self-mutilator for about seven years, but in the interest of having my pain and being complimented for it too, I recently turned to piercing. I had gotten my navel done about a year prior to getting the rook done, but the experience left much to be desired- the artist didn't care, did little to prepare me, and actually pierced it at a diagonal so that all my jewelry sits crooked. And frankly, it didn't hurt enough.
At A Glance Author Robin Cee When Three months ago Artist Autumn Studio Warlock's Location Raleigh, NC I met with Autumn, my artist, and she talked to me at length about options for ear piercings. She told me stories about every piercing I asked about, showed me her portfolio, and generally made me feel at home. By the time I got into the chair, I felt as if I were just going to continue a conversation with a friend. Once she realized that I was a cutter by nature, she relaxed more around me as well- I wasn't a novice to pain and I was less likely to pass out than some of her other patients.
Once she lapsed into her ritual for piercing- preparing the equipment, disinfecting the area- adrenaline started flowing through me. I was highly anticipating the pain and I found that I didn't have any of the disassociation that usually comes with the self-mutilation I do on my own. So when she approached me with the needle, I was hyper-aware of the situation and breathing deeply.
She noticed this and asked me if I was okay, then told me to take a deep breath in and warned me to exhale as the needle went through my ear. The pain was a complete rush, more than I had expected. Once the needle was through, though, my ear just felt warm and I felt a trickle of blood run around the curls of my inner ear. She checked again to make sure I was still doing okay and then started putting the jewelry in. The pain came back, as intense as the needle itself, and lasted until she could get the pressure ball into the hoop. After cleaning off the blood and giving me the aftercare lecture, I fairly bounced out of the chair, giddy with the adrenaline and release.
Aftercare was tough; the fold in my ear was a wrestling partner through the first week until I grew comfortable with cleaning it. As a pain junkie, I can't complain, but FYI it is super sensitive for the first two months and hurts when the jewelry moves. Three months later, it's fully healed and no longer hurts at all, though the area has remained more sensitive to touch- which is nice, I have a new favorite place to be kissed in public. Plus, it's a somewhat rare piercing, so I unless I'm hanging out with Autumn, I don't see many people with a duplicate. I love the new rook piercing, but more than that, I love that I found Autumn, a piercer I trust and am on my way to single-handedly supporting with money from my new addiction.
Over the course of the last month, I have stretched the rook from the 18 gauge it was pierced at to a now 14 gauge hole. This is something I've been doing on my own, first spending a week gently pulling at the horseshoe I had in there, then pushing through a sixteen gauge hoop and repeating. The most important thing about stretching is that you continue to wash the hole. Stretching equals tearing, and the area is once again opened to a new infection. The pain from stretching is somewhat of a different beast than having it professionally done with a needle. I controlled the pain levels and direction, knowing fully what to expect. The disappointment came last week when I realized that the control also gave way to my typical disassociation. While I was stretching, I no longer felt the pain as sharply or as something intricately connected to me. Of course, I am damaging nerves so that explains it to some extent, but I'm disappointed that I'm finding a crossover from the cutting.
I haven't found this to be the case in my other piercings- especially when I'm having it done to me instead of doing it myself. I guess the biggest release for me, in this experience, is giving the control to someone else and just enjoying the pain. Perhaps some of it is from trusting and personally knowing my artist. Now I see my rook and smile, because it served as a gateway for me. I now prefer getting piercings over cutting, which is something that I can't honestly say about tattoos. The rook launched me into something new and different, while still satisfying my need for pain. While it may not do the same for everyone, the rook is still a very interesting, somewhat understated piece.