At A Glance Author Asurfael Contact asurfael@asurfael.net IAM Asurfael When A week ago Artist Me Studio My bathroom Location Mikkeli, Finland I don't remember how it exactly started. Me and my boyfriend Daniel were talking on AIM about how seeing something marked on you reminded you of the context you got it in. And then jokingly I told him I wanted to poke holes in him.
The discussion quickly got serious. We talked about possible piercings, and agreed that an earlobe piercing was a simple enough of a procedure for me to do. If I fucked up the mistake wouldn't be right on his face (or anywhere more private for that matter), and the earlobe's one of the most forgiving places you can pierce. Most people can heal almost anything in their earlobes, even gunned holes. We had a quick chat about the technique and sterility at that point as well, but the discussion about technique changed quickly into the discussion of what this would mean.
Now, I most certainly don't recommend anybody to just start piercing their friends. My only experience as a piercer came from a couple of stupid DIY piercings several years ago, done in just about the worst possible manner you can think of (a sewing needle "sterilized" with a lighter, a thin silver earring and so forth). However, this wasn't an issue of a competent piercer. It was an issue of trust and bonding. It was something Daniel could look at in the mirror and think about me without having to tattoo my name anywhere. If there were regrets, it could be taken out. In addition, it would be made by me. I would have an essential role not only as an inspiration of a new body modification, but also as the artist of it. It would be my mark on him. That was what was important. I wasn't a professional trained to do it, and yet he'd have enough trust in me to let me do it.
Of course this put quite a bit of pressure on me. I had read the BME FAQs several times, and was a regular visitor to QOD, so I knew what to do. Of course I didn't have a mentor to teach me all what was needed. I hadn't watched somebody do it several times explaining me what to do before I had to do it myself. I was by no means a competent person to pierce just anybody walking on the street thanks to reading BME. If it was just about the piercing I wouldn't even be competent to pierce my boyfriend. The only person that would be alright for me to pierce would maybe be myself since I'd have to be the only one to suffer if it went wrong. But I knew the person I was to pierce. He doesn't make irrational quick thoughts about things like that. He had faith in me, and that gave me more faith in myself.
After realizing I would really actually do it I started the search. I re-read some of the information, and searched for more. I even asked a professional piercer (many thanks to iam:jussi) about what would be needed. In short, I would need antiseptic solution, a sterile single use needle, latex gloves, an autoclaved piece of jewelry and lots of guts. Even if I was confident I could do it it was still somebody else involved. It was my responsibility to make the experience the best I could for him.
I was hoping I'd be able to get all the supplies needed locally. I knew you could get the gloves and needles from the local pharmacy, so that's where I went. I asked for injection needles. They had them up to 1,2 millimeters (16 gauge). However we had decided to go for 1,6 millimeters (14 gauge), and I most certainly didn't feel comfortable stretching without a taper. So I asked if they'd have any thicker ones for piercing purposes. The lady was very helpful, but was unable to find any thicker needles (they had longer ones, though - they were actually ready to sell me spinal tap needles!). However the person in charge at the pharmacy heard me mention piercings, and interrupted the conversation. Apparently he had been advised not to sell needles for piercing purposes, they were there for sale only for drug addicts. Clean needles are important for everyone, I guess. Disappointed and a bit pissed off I left the pharmacy. The person there told me piercing yourself would be un sanitary and I should go to a professional piercer. I was trying to minimize the unsanitary part by getting sterilized needles instead of using sewing ones, wouldn't that give me credit? Apparently not. Under normal circumstances I would have of course visited a professional, but this piercing wasn't just about getting a hole. It was about something completely different.
I didn't feel like asking my piercer since I don't think they're authorized to sell needles (nor would it be ethical), and because I felt uncomfortable about it. After all, what would it tell them about me? That I wasn't willing to pay them for getting whatever in my body pierced. No thanks, I'd rather do something else than imply that.
Now a lot of BME regulars are already probably screaming at the monitor. Why doesn't she just order from BMEshop? Well, that was exactly what I did after it became apparent that getting 1,6 mm needles just wouldn't work here. I don't have a credit card, but Daniel does. So we placed an order for 14 gauge needles (amongst other things). At this point I was to visit Daniel within 1,5 weeks and I was supposed to pierce him then. The needles were shipped to Sweden plenty on time, and we bought a 14 gauge titanium CBR from the local piercing parlor AEON there. Daniel already had latex gloves as he had bought them before to be able to tighten his labret properly (the gloves give a really good grip). Antiseptics we'd have, too. And a clamp - we had ordered one from BMEshop. I didn't feel comfortable about using it, but Daniel wanted to order one anyway. I felt it wasn't needed for an earlobe piercing, and since I was inexperienced it would be better to just leave it out. He agre ed.
However, I went there after being really stressed out by my end exams at school amongst other things. I wasn't sleeping well, and the autumn depression was kicking in. During that visit we never got around to piercing his ear, since obviously I was in no state to do that.
So we waited for another month before he came here.
He took the needle and the jewelry with him. I had antiseptics. When it came to gloves they were ones that came with my hair colour - that's not the best way to do it, but they came in a closed plastic container and were good quality gloves. No different from the ones Daniel would have had, anyway. I guess hair colour manufacturers are starting to put more weight on the quality of the gloves as well. They were probably size M/L when my hands are size S - they were just slightly too big, but nothing I wouldn't be able to handle a needle and jewelry with.
On the last day of his visit we agreed that we had been putting it off for long enough. It had been a while since we had discussed the hygiene and such, so we had another discussion on that.
Now usually when piercing another person I most certainly urge everyone to be more careful with the hygiene. However, we had just been living together for almost two weeks, sleeping in the same bed. Our skins would regularly come to contact. We had had sex without a condom. We had even come to blood contact before, voluntarily. As anything I would have come to contact with in my house he would have come to contact with as well (and blood exchange having happened) the only thing to really be concerned about was not getting any foreign bacteria inside the wound. He knew the risks, I knew the risks, and we talked about it for a long time. We together set the minimum acceptable standards of sterility. I wasn't a professional piercer, and it meant I wouldn't come into contact with several people's blood a day. Neither would the bathroom - the only cross contamination would be what we'd come into contact with in the every day life anyway. As said, we just didn't want anything t o be pushed into the fresh wound with a needle. Thus I wore gloves.
So we set everything up on a piece of paper spread on the washing machine. We brought in a chair for him to sit on, and opened a can with cotton swabs and placed the opened bottle of antiseptics next to it. I washed my hands, opened the package of the gloves, and put them on. I opened the packages for the jewelry and the needle. He opened the package for the sterile skin marker ordered from BMEshop and marked his ear - I suggested the mark would be moved a bit further back and higher up so that there would be more tissue to stretch before a plug would start rubbing against the front of the ear. We did that, and he was happy with the placement. I took the needle... And that's when the insecurity struck in.
By looking at the lobe it was obvious I wouldn't be able to keep the tissue at place properly without using something as a backing. It was my first time piercing in over 5 years, and my first time piercing anybody else. With no guidance whatsoever. After telling Daniel about it we agreed to use a thin cardboard box as the backing. This isn't the most sterile thing to do to say the least, but it made both of us to feel more comfortable. I'd be able to insert the needle faster as I didn't have to worry about poking him or my fingers with it. He'd be able to relax as he didn't have to worry about me poking his head with the needle after going through his lobe.
So after much hesitation I pushed the needle through. It went in quite quickly, and all the way through without any additional pushing (although I prodded it for a bit just to be sure it was entirely through - I heard that wasn't comfortable). Daniel told me it was a bit slower than from a professional piercer, but still pretty fast for my first piercing. He got up, looked at his ear with the needle sticking through, and smiled. His ear was apparently throbbing for a bit, so he sat down for me to put the jewelry in.
At this point the fact that I had actually done it struck me. I wasn't feeling dizzy, my hands were fairly steady, but my legs were shaking. It was I who needed a break. Daniel was very understanding about it, and agreed to wait for a while. However it shouldn't be too long as the tissue will swell up and make the insertion harder. So after I got my head back together I decided to do it, despite the small shakiness in the legs. I could well stand up and wasn't feeling sick otherwise.
From prodding at the needle before I realized it was sitting there fairly tight. I thought some lubrication might make the insertion of jewelry easier, especially since we had waited for a while. Now, this isn't what I'd recommend using as lubrication, but it was the best thing at hand. I had some water soluble moisturizer with no perfume or colouring agents added. I put a coating of that on the ring and spread a bit of it right next to the needle at the back. After that I aligned the jewelry with the needle, and started pulling the needle out with one hand and pushing the jewelry in with another. I had the jewelry partially in when I had already pulled the needle out. Some blood came out from the hole I was pushing the jewelry to, apparently it had had some time to gather up while the needle was still there. With the needle gone it had no pressure to hold it inside and it just came out. I panicked a bit, and pushed the jewelry quickly through in order to be able to do it . It would suck to panic properly and just give up.
Again it went a little slower than by a professional, but apparently it wasn't too bad. We had a slight break before trying to put the bead in, during which I cleaned most of the moisturizer off with a cotton swab moistened with antiseptics. At this point I wouldn't be pushing anything through the lobe anymore, so I took my gloves off since they were a bit too big. That's better than dropping the bead to the floor, anyway.
The ring felt a bit tight, so at first I tried to crack it open a bit with scissors. I however was afraid of slipping with those and on top of that it was hard to do it so (and I was afraid of scratching the jewelry). So in the end I just decided to try to push it at place just using my fingers. I aligned the bead so that one of the holes was in contact with the ring, and then pushed the ring up from the other side. It took two attempts, but it snapped right in. I took another cotton swab and cleaned out the piercing with antiseptics. I had to move the jewelry a bit to get the bead to the bottom instead of to the front. I was fairly sure the blood and previous antiseptics had washed out most of the moisturizer, and that moving the jewelry like this got the rest of it out. Of course before moving it around I again cleaned the blood from around the ring. When the bead was pointing down I cleaned it yet again, being careful not to yank it.
Then it came the time to properly inspect it. Daniel loved it... I noticed the hole behind the lobe was slightly lower than the one that's showing. I should have aligned the needle a bit better before putting it through. But overall, it came out well, and Daniel was happy with it. Even happier than I was, since I tend to be overly critical towards my work.
It's now been about a week since I pierced his lobe, and I heard it's been doing fine so far. It's only been aching after he slept on it by accident, and it hasn't bled since the first night. About how it feels... Just seeing him with a huge grin on his face looking in the mirror was reward enough for me, and convinced me he liked it. He told me that even if it was nowhere near as painful as his nipple piercing was for example, it was the biggest endorphin rush he's ever gotten from a piercing. Because it was done by me. It's right there for him and everyone to see, but with the difference of it holding a huge meaning to us instead of being "just an earring" to the general public.
When I look at him I keep seeing this imaginary chain, starting from him and coming towards me, attaching right where my heart is. From his side, it's anchored to that piercing. It might be such a silly thing to say, but that's what I keep thinking about when I see him with it. I was terribly nervous about the whole situation, and came through with honour. And it got him a permanent visual reminder of how both of us feel about each other. Me being the only person besides a professional piercer he'd let himself be pierced by, and him being the only person in addition to myself I would pierce.
I love him, I really do. And I'm sure that one day when we're both old I'll be thinking about that time I put a ring on him... Not on his finger, but through his ear. When I'll think about it, it'll be one of my fondest memories ever, despite my being nervous about it when it happened. It already is one of my fondest memories, one of those you just know will last a life time. To you it might be a simple earring, but to us it's just so much more.